


My Adjustment

by pcrrycox



Series: My Epiphany [3]
Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-01 13:51:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11487702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcrrycox/pseuds/pcrrycox
Summary: JD and Perry take the next step in their relationship while Perry takes the next step professionally. Neither of them, however, are prepared for the toll it will take. Third part in the My Epiphany series.





	1. This Will Be My Testimony

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't make you guys wait as long as you did between My Epiphany and My Confession, so here's the third installment of the series! I'm so excited for it, and boy oh boy, does it start out with a bang! I really hope you all enjoy it as much as I'm enjoying writing it. As always, please leave comment and kudos - they're a tremendous help and are so appreciated!

              “Perry, will you marry me?” I blurted out.  My heart was pounding, and the fact that Perry stood there, frozen, for a few moments before doing anything else wasn’t helping.  And then, before I knew it, Perry walked right over and wrapped his arms around me, holding me so tightly that my feet left the floor.  I grinned, laughing as I threw my arms around Perry’s neck. 

              I pulled back enough, taking Perry’s face in my hands, and realized he was pretty choked up.  “Yes,” Perry whispered.  “Of course.”

              “I love you,” I said thickly, gazing into Perry’s eyes.  “God, I love you.”  I couldn’t believe this was actually happening after just a few short months, but I had never, not once, felt so strongly about someone as the way I felt about Perry.  I had no doubts that Perry felt the same about me, too.  It was a little overwhelming, finding someone who loved me so deeply, but overwhelming in the best way possible.  I had found myself pausing from time to time just to soak in the devotion I felt from him,

              “I love you, too,” Perry said, giving me a warm smile.  “I don’t know why I didn’t just ask you a few minutes ago… Guess I thought I was going to scare you off.”

              “As if,” I laughed, taking Perry’s hands in my own.  “I’m just sorry I don’t have a ring to give you.”

              Perry shook his head and leaned in to kiss me.  “That doesn’t matter.  We’ll get there.”

              I beamed up at Perry as what just happened began to sink in.  “You’re marrying me!  I’m marrying you!”

              “I am,” Perry chuckled.  “You are.  Fuck, JD, I love you so much.”  He pulled me into a crushing kiss, lifting me off the floor once again. 

              I wasted no time in kissing him back enthusiastically.  “I have to call Turk back,” I mumbled against his lips.

              “I think Turk can wait, don’t you?” Perry purred, trailing kisses down my neck.  “I’ll make it worth your while.”

              “Oh yeah?” I challenged, smirking as Perry set me down, though his hands never stopped touching me.  I didn’t think either of us could’ve stopped touching each other even if we’d wanted to.  “What’d you have in mind?”

              “Little of this, little of that,” Perry mused, letting his hands roam to my ass.  “Might even let you fuck me.”

              I froze, staring at Perry incredulously.  “Are you _serious_?”  _Holy shit._

              Perry chuckled at my reaction.  “Yeah, Newbie, I’m serious.  It’s about time, don’t you think?”

              “I – wow,” I stammered.  “I didn’t think you wanted – I didn’t know – _wow_.”  So many things were happening – so many good things – all at once and my head was spinning.

              Perry laughed again and started pulling me toward the bedroom.  “Only if you want to, of course,” he teased.

              “Want to?” I gasped.  “Perry, if I’d had any idea at all…”  I trailed off as I tried to wrap my head around the idea.

              For his part, Perry just seemed amused by my reaction and excited about the idea.  I followed him eagerly into the bedroom, wondering just how long Perry’d wanted this.  I wouldn’t have put it past him to think about it for quite a long time before actually bringing it up.  Well, if there was ever a time _to_ bring it up, it was certainly now. 

              Perry lowered me down onto the bed and pressed his lips to mine, but I only let the kiss linger for a few moments before I pulled back.  “Oh, no,” I murmured, pushing Perry onto his back and climbing on top of him.  “I don’t think so.”

              “Whatever you say, angel,” Perry agreed easily, reaching up and carding his fingers through my hair.  “You’re calling the shots.”

              I grinned back at him.  “Yeah, I am,” I said proudly.  “Get undressed.”

              For both of us, getting undressed involved shedding our boxers, which I was pleased to see Perry did without hesitation.  He really was going to listen to me tonight.  I slid off him, moving to rummage in the drawers beside my bed for lube before I kicked off my own bottoms.  With that, I walked back over to the edge of the bed, taking in the sight of Perry lying there before me, all mine. 

              “Turn over,” I breathed as I bent down to kiss him. 

              Perry let the kiss linger for a while, humming against my lips, before doing as he was told.  “I am turned over,” he announced, looking at me over his shoulder with a hint of teasing in his eyes.  “Do with me what you will.”

              “I plan to,” I assured him, pushing him further onto the bed and climbing up behind him.  I ran my hands over his ass, still reeling from the prospect of being allowed to do this – not that Perry would ever deny me anything if I wanted it – and planned to make the most of it.  I leaned down to press my lips to Perry’s lower back, slowly trailing kisses down his backside.  I moved cautiously, unsure of how this particular act would be received, but he’d done the same for me so many times that I wanted to repay the favor.  I let my tongue slide out, pressing it flat against his entrance as I spread him apart.  He let out a surprised huff of a breath, but did not protest.  In fact, as I continued my ministrations, he seemed rather pleased.  I took that as a good sign and quickly became much less cautious.

              I took a moment to smile to myself before diving in with my usual enthusiasm, moving my tongue and lips in as many different ways as I could manage, trying to enhance the experience any way I could.  After all, I had to make sure Perry enjoyed it if I ever wanted to do this again.  In even less time than it usually took me to fall apart like this, I had Perry shuddering and moaning beneath me.

              “F-fuck, JD,” Perry panted, gripping the sheets so tightly his knuckles were white.  “Now I see why you – oh, why you like this so much.”

              I didn’t respond apart from redoubling my efforts, pushing my tongue into him over and over again until Perry’s moans suddenly started coming from low in his chest.  I’d spent enough time with him to know that he was close, so regretfully, I pulled away only to reach for the lube I’d set on the bed.  I slicked up my fingers, giving Perry ample time to pull himself away from the edge, and then slid a single digit into him.

              Perry moaned again, burying his face in one of our pillows.  “Oh, just fuck me already, would you?” he choked out.

              “I don’t want to hurt you,” I replied calmly, though I felt anything but.  All the sounds Perry was making had me quite worked up.  “Trust me, you’d regret it later.”

              “Dammit, Newbie, can’t you just speed it up a little?” Perry asked, dangerously close to whimpering.  “I want to feel you.”

              “I know, baby,” I said gently, pressing a kiss to the nape of Perry’s neck as I carefully added a second finger, stretching as I went.  I worked to find his prostate – maybe that’d stop his complaining.  “Just be patient and enjoy it.”

              Perry relaxed a little then, arching back against me.  He sucked in a sharp breath, going tense once more.  “Fuck, keep doing that,” he said through gritted teeth.

              I smiled and kissed his shoulder, feeling the anticipation that had been there all the while rising up within me even stronger.  I added a third finger, pleased to find that all Perry did was moan as a result.  Not long after, I pulled my fingers free and reached for the lube once again, slicking up my cock, which had been leaking steadily.  It didn’t matter how much prep I’d given Perry – we’d still need plenty of lube.  Absently, I wondered if we shouldn’t just start buying it in bulk.

              “You ready, Per?” I murmured, already knowing full well what Perry’s answer would be.

              “Yeah,” Perry said, his voice rough and gorgeous.  “Go on, angel.”

              Taking myself in hand – and somehow resisting the urge to stroke – I moved closer to Perry, guiding myself into him as slowly as I could, wanting to avoid causing him any pain.  Almost instantly, my breathing went ragged and I did my best to stay in control.  I had never felt something so amazing as Perry being wrapped around me, hot and tight.  A breathy moan fell from my lips and I braced myself against Perry’s back.  Perry reached behind him in search of one of my hands, and eagerly, I gripped it tightly, setting a slow, but hard pace.

              “You feel – incredible,” I choked out, leaning down further and pressing Perry into the mattress as I rolled my hips against him.

              Perry’s answering moan was nothing short of gorgeous as he snaked his free hand between himself and the mattress to wrap it around his cock.  “You, too,” he managed.  “Oh, fuck, JD, I’m so close.”

              I could feel him, tensing around me, and I shifted my angle, trying to find the right one.  I knew I found it when Perry gasped and arched strongly against me.  “Let go, babe,” I breathed, feeling sweat spring out over my body as I drew closer myself.  “Come for me.”

              It was only a few moments more when Perry’s desperate moan met my ears and I could actually feel him coming in fast, short spasms.  If that was what it felt like for him every time… _God._ It was all I could do to push off my own climax until Perry had finished.  I spilled hard, whimpering against Perry’s back as I rode it out.  As I came down, I did my best not to completely collapse on top of Perry, but I knew it was just a matter of time before both of us passed out.  I slipped out of Perry, causing him to moan softly, but he rolled to his side, away from the mess we’d made, and pulled me down on top of him.

              “Yeah?” I murmured, burying my face in his neck.

              “Yeah,” Perry whispered, pulling the blankets over top of us.  “I love you.”

              “Love you, too.  Gonna sleep now.”

              “Mm,” he hummed.  “Me, too.”

 

              When I woke up, Perry was already awake, though just barely.  His arms were still wrapped securely around me, and in my sleep, I’d slung a leg over his hip.

              “Hey,” he said in that gentle tone that was reserved just for me. 

              “Hey,” I echoed, brushing my nose against his, my eyes drifting shut again.

              “God, I love you,” he said after a few minutes of us just lying there, wrapped up in one another.

              “I love you, too, Perry,” I breathed.  “So much.  It’s a little obnoxious how much I love you.”

              Perry smiled, stroking his fingers through my hair.  “Not obnoxious,” he disagreed.  “Sweet.”

              “Either one works,” I chuckled, stretching.  “So, what’d you think?”

              “Of what?”

              “The sex.  Are you glad you asked?”

              “Jeez, Newbie, all my moaning didn’t answer that question for you?” Perry laughed.  “Yeah, I’m glad I asked.  Thrilled, in fact.”

              “Well, good,” I said, quite satisfied with myself.  “I was really hoping you’d like it.”

              “I think I’d like anything you do to me,” Perry said, grinning.  “You know?”

              “Yeah,” I agreed, pressing a kiss to his lips.  “Same goes for me.  I should really call Turk, though.”

              Perry kissed me once more before retrieving my phone from the nightstand, where I’d left it before my shower.  “Call away,” he said as he handed it to me. 

              “Thanks,” I said warmly, glad that even if Perry didn’t understand my friendship with Turk, he tolerated it.  I put the phone to my ear, waiting for Turk to pick up.

              “Dude, if you’re calling to tell me you had sex again –” Turk answered, sounding exasperated, but I cut him off.

              “Turk, I got _engaged_.”

              “Holy shit,” Turk laughed.  “You’re serious this time, aren’t you?”

              “Super serious, C-Bear,” I assured him, wondering how my grin hadn’t split my face yet.  “I’m getting married.”  I looked over at Perry, who looked so happy that my heart swelled. 

              “That’s amazing, dude, I’m so happy for you.  Can I tell Carla?”

              “No way!” I cried.  “I want to tell her!  Is she there?”

              “Yeah,” Turk grumbled.  “Hang on a second.”

              I waited as Turk passed Carla the phone.  “What is it, Bambi?” Carla asked, and I guessed she hadn’t overheard how excited Turk was.  “Is everything okay?”

              “I asked Perry to marry me,” I gushed.  “And he said yes.”

              “You asked _him_?”  JD, now I owe Elliot ten bucks.”

              “You were betting on who would ask who?” I laughed. 

              “That’s neither here nor there.  Congratulations to the both of you.  Honestly, I’m surprised it took this long.”

              “Thanks, Carla,” I said warmly, though my mind went momentarily blank when I looked over at Perry again, only to find that he had a devilish grin on his face and a hand wrapped around his cock.  He was stroking himself lazily, never taking his eyes off me.  Bastard.  “I’m – I’m gonna call Elliot, okay?”

              “Sure thing, Bambi,” Carla agreed easily.  “We’ll see you later to celebrate!”

              I hung up quickly, watching Perry intently.  “You’re evil, you know that?” I said as I dialed Elliot’s number, knowing she’d never forgive me if I didn’t tell her immediately.

              “I’ve been told,” Perry said, smirking.  He kept up the same, slow, lazy stroke, but I could see him getting harder and felt my own arousal.

              “Elliot!” I cried, a little more high-pitched than usual.  “I’m getting married!”

              She hadn’t even said hello yet, but shrieked upon hearing the news.  “JD!  That’s amazing!  Congratulations!  Who asked who?”

              “I asked Perry and Carla already knows she owes you ten bucks.”

              Beside me, Perry moaned softly, though he opened one of his eyes just to wink at me.  I shot him a death glare in return, though everything he was doing was making my mouth water.

              “This is so exciting!” Elliot cried.  “Have you picked a date yet?  How’d you propose?  Did you cry?”  Then she gasped.  “Did _he_ cry?”

              “Elliot, slow down,” I laughed, though I swallowed hard as Perry started to pick up the pace, my own cock twitching at the sight.  “No date yet, I just walked into the room and asked him, and we both did a little.”

              “Aw, he cried, too?  That is so _sweet_!  When are you free so I can help you guys plan?”

              “Hey, Elliot, can we figure that out later?” I asked, knowing that if I wasn’t blunt with her, I’d be on the phone for hours.  “I’m gonna have to let you go for now.”

              “Oh yeah, sure,” Elliot said quickly, and I wondered if she knew why.  “Congratulations, JD.”

              “Thanks, talk to you later,” I said in a rush, tossing my phone back onto the nightstand.  I immediately pushed Perry’s hand away from his cock, my jaw dropping open.  “Just what do you think you’re doing?” I asked incredulously.

              “Making the most of my free time,” Perry replied, a little breathless.  “What’s the problem, Newbie?”

              I repositioned myself beside Perry, leaning down to give the head of his cock a lick.  I grinned at the resulting moan Perry let out.  “No problem,” I said nonchalantly.  “It’s just that if _anyone’s_ going to make you come, it should be me.”

              “That’s a good rule,” Perry said weakly.  “God, you’re gorgeous.”

              I smiled up at Perry as I wrapped a hand around him.  “You really got yourself worked up, didn’t you?” I purred.  “So hard already.”

              Perry groaned, planting his feet so he could rock up into my hand.  “Not that difficult when you’re sitting – fuck, sitting right next to me,” he choked out, letting his head fall back against the headboard.

              I smiled to myself just before taking Perry into my mouth once again, as far as I could, which with the practice I’d been getting was pretty damn far.  Perry let out a strangled moan and I could tell he was trying to keep his hips still.  “Oh, fuck, JD, that’s it.  Just like that, angel.”

              I obliged, pulling almost completely off Perry before diving back down.  I’d gotten pretty good at bypassing my gag reflex, especially when it was in the interest of making Perry lose it like this.  I rolled Perry’s balls back and forth in my free hand and moaned when Perry wrapped his hand around my cock.  I loved the feeling of his hands on me, a bit larger and rougher than my own. 

              We continued on that way, with me swallowing around Perry’s cock and him stroking me quickly, the way that he knew would get me off in just a matter of minutes.  Perry choked out a moan and I felt him harden even more, just moments away from coming.  I squeezed his balls and sucked insistently at the head of his cock, a surefire way to make him come.  Sure enough, moments later, Perry came hard, jerking and spilling into my waiting mouth.  Somehow, he managed to keep stroking me all the while, though his hold on me slackened a little.  I didn’t release him until he began to soften.  It was only then that Perry began to redouble his efforts, stroking me quickly and a little roughly, making me whimper and gasp as I braced myself against the mattress.

              “Yes, yes, yes, Perry,” I babbled, my eyes squeezed shut as I thrusted forward into his hand.  “I’m gonna come – fuck, Perry, I’m coming, don’t stop –” I broke off into a loud, long moan, my cock twitching hard in Perry’s hand as I reached my climax.  God, the things that man could do with his hands…

              As we both relaxed, Perry pulled me into his arms, which was lucky considering I had gone completely limp.  “You’re incredible, you know that?” Perry murmured, massaging down my back.

              “You might’ve mentioned it before,” I said softly.  “We’ve done nothing today except fuck and sleep.”

              “And get engaged,” Perry reminded me with a smile.  “All three of those happen to be my favorite things to do with you.”

              “Yeah,” I agreed, kissing Perry’s neck.  “Mine, too.  I love you, Perry.”

              “I love you, too,” Perry responded.  “I think you and I, though, could use a shower.”

 

              Ten minutes later, both of us were climbing into my bathtub, which was spacious enough for the two of us.  Perry’d even taken it upon himself to light the few candles I owned and placed them on the tub surround.  He stepped in first, leaning back against the wall and I climbed in, sinking down between his legs and leaning back against his chest.  For a while, we just laid there, soaking in the hot water with Perry trailing his fingers lightly down my arm, my head resting on his shoulder. 

              “What kind of wedding do you want?” I murmured, breaking the silence for the first time. 

              “Something simple,” Perry answered.  “Simple, but elegant.  I’d like to see you in a suit again.”

              I smiled, pleased with his answer.  “I was thinking the same thing.  And we can have a nice reception for all our friends.  You’ll dance with me, right?”

              “Course I’m gonna dance with you, kid.  Probably be glued to you all night if I had to guess.”

              “Sounds perfect,” I said happily, picturing us swaying together on a dancefloor.  “Whatever the wedding ends up being like, as long as you’re there with me, I don’t mind.”

              “You’re getting a free pass on being a sap today,” Perry warned, though the effect was lost when he kissed my cheek.  “Truth be told, I don’t even mind it all that much.”

              “Good, because I’m feeling pretty sappy,” I chuckled.  “I’m just really happy, Per.”

              “That makes two of us, Newbie,” Perry assured me.  “Not sure I’ve ever been this happy, tell you the truth.”

              I realized the same was true for myself – sure, I’d been happy before, plenty happy, but nothing had even come close to how happy I was when I was with Perry.  That was something I knew would never change.


	2. Made of More Than Just Wood and Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took so long, but it gave me some trouble for a while! To make up for the wait, it's extra long! I hope you guys enjoy it because these ridiculous men routinely melt my heart.
> 
> **EDIT**  
> Let it just be known that I'm a giant idiot. Anyone who read this chapter prior to 10PM on July 26th may want to revisit it because in the process of copying and pasting this chapter, I forgot the first two pages, which means that what you read might not have made the most sense. I literally feel so dumb for doing this, but hey, shit happens, right? Anyway, if you're reading this AFTER July 26th, everything is as it should be and I hope you enjoy! L M A O

              “Hey, kiddo,” Perry said, walking up next to me at the nurses’ station.  He pecked me on the cheek and I smiled up at him, setting down my charts.  It had been a week since we got engaged and somehow the entire hospital knew already, though I had my suspicions that that was thanks to Elliot’s excitement.  I hadn’t seen it yet, but I’d heard from a few reliable sources that she’d started a scrapbook of wedding ideas for us. 

              “Hey there,” I replied, though I was thrown off by his expression.  He was smiling, but he looked tense.  “Is something up?”

              “Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight?” Perry asked, ignoring my question.  “I need to talk to you about a few things.”

              “Yeah, of course,” I agreed easily, deciding not to press the issue.  If something was wrong, Perry would tell me when he was ready.  I’d learned very quickly not to push him when he was like this.  “I’ll see you tonight.”

              Perry gave me a nod and patted me on my lower back before striding off down the hall.  As I watched him go, Carla walked over from the other end of the nurses’ station.  “What was that all about?” she asked curiously.

              “I’m not sure,” I said slowly.  “Do you think something’s wrong?”

              “It doesn’t seem like it,” Carla said with a shrug, “but you know him better than I do.  Whatever it is, at least he’s talking to you about it.  Wouldn’t have been able to say the same thing a few months ago.”

              “Good point,” I allowed.  “Could say that about a lot of things in the last few months.  God, Carla, he’s marrying me…”

              Carla grinned and patted my hand.  “I _still_ can’t believe you’re the one who asked,” she said, shaking her head.

              “He would have asked me eventually,” I snorted.  “I just didn’t want to wait, I guess.  You should complain to Turk about that, though.  It’s because of something he said to me that I proposed.”

              “Oh, that’s new,” Carla said, leaning forward, clearly intrigued.  “What’d he say?  Last time I checked, Turk was not all that romantic.”

              I chuckled and shook my head.  “I don’t think he was even trying to be romantic.  No, all he said was that he couldn’t believe I was too blind to see that Perry’d do anything for me.  And it just… clicked, I guess.”

              “If that man put a single _ounce_ of thought into his marriage…” Carla sighed, trailing off.  “Well, never mind.  I still love him, even if he is an idiot sometimes.”

              “Isn’t that the whole idea of marriage?” I laughed.  “Anyway, I should actually see some patients of mine, but I’ll fill you in on what Perry had to say tomorrow.”

              “Good luck, Bambi,” Carla called as I strolled off toward my first patient’s room.

 

 

              By the time I got to Perry’s that evening, I had convinced myself that Perry just wanted to discuss details about moving and finding a house together.  Or maybe he wanted to talk about getting rings, which we’d still yet to do.  I let myself into his apartment with the key he’d given me and was greeted by a delicious-looking meal on the table and a seemingly nervous Perry pacing back and forth in the living room.

              “Uh, hi,” I said, raising my eyebrows.  “I’m here.”

              Perry looked up at me and forced a smile, crossing the room to kiss me.  “Good.  Food’s ready.  Have a seat.”

              I narrowed my eyes at him, but did as I was told.  Once we were both seated at the table, I kept my eyes on Perry even as we started to eat.  What had him so nervous?  “Perry, is everything okay?” I asked after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

              “Yeah, everything’s fine, Newbie,” Perry said, rather unconvincingly.  I gave him a skeptical look and he sighed, putting down his fork.  “All right, here’s the deal.  The board wants to offer me the job of Chief of Medicine.  No one else knows yet, but Kelso’s stepping down at the end of the month and he recommended me.”

              My eyes widened and I barked out a surprised laugh.  “Perry, what – that’s amazing!  That’s – you said yes, right?”

              “I told them I needed to think about it,” Perry said slowly, not quite meeting my eyes.

              “Why?” I asked, confused.  “You’d be great!”

              Perry finally lifted his gaze to look at me.  “I don’t know if I would be,” he said quietly.

              I realized then the reason for Perry’s strange behavior.  He didn’t think he’d be good enough to be Chief.  “Really?” I asked gently.  “Perry, I can’t think of anyone who would make a better Chief.  Your heart’s always in the right place when it comes to the patients.  We need someone like you behind that desk.  I really think you should go for it.”

              “It’s going to be a big adjustment,” Perry warned.  “Different hours, a larger workload… The last thing I want to do, JD, is jeopardize us.”

              Was that what was holding him back?  I got up out of my chair and walked over to him, kneeling down in front of his seat.  “Nothing,” I said firmly, “and I mean _nothing_ , could jeopardize what we have.  And I will do absolutely anything I can to help you out.  And for the record, I am so proud of you.”

              Perry managed a smile and leaned down to kiss me softly, cupping my cheek with his hand.  “Thanks, kiddo.  Knew I could count on you.”

              “You got that right,” I said happily.  “You’re gonna be great, babe, I just know it.”

            

* * *

 

 

  The next morning, Perry accepted the position of Chief of Medicine with me standing by his side.  The board seemed pleased with his decision and though he was rather subdued, I couldn’t help but radiating pride in him.  If someone had told be back when I was an intern that someday, Perry’d become Chief, I don’t think I would have believed it.  Back then, all Perry did was get in his own way, but he’d grown so much over the years.  I liked to think that part of that was because of me.  Even if that wasn’t the case, I was perfectly happy to step back and watch him succeed.

              As soon as the board meeting was over, I pulled Perry out into the hallway and threw my arms around his neck.  “I am _so_ proud of you,” I gushed, leaning in to kiss him thoroughly. 

              Perry smiled when I pulled away.  “Thanks, angel,” he said, his hands resting on my waist.  “Wouldn’t have gotten here without you.”

              “Oh, get a room, would you?” Turk interjected as he strode past. 

              “You wish!” I called, never looking away from Perry.  “I know I do.”

              Perry laughed and kissed me again.  “Go on, get to work.  Tomorrow, you’re all mine, all right?”

              “I am, am I?” I asked, excited by the prospect.  I’d been planning on spending the day with him anyway since we were both off, but I was glad to find that he had something in mind.  “And what are we doing?”

              “Now that, Newbie, is a surprise.  I’ll see you for lunch,” Perry replied mysteriously, kissing me once more before walking off down the hall. 

              I leaned back against the wall and sighed softly, watching him go.  I was so ridiculously in love with him that I didn’t know what to do with myself.  It warmed my heart to know that he felt just the same.  As I stood there, my mind wandered to what he might have planned for tomorrow, though judging by our history, it could be any number of things ranging from a calm night in to a romantic night on the roof of a restaurant. 

              “I knew you’d still be daydreaming,” Perry sighed, walking up next to me as he shook his head.  “Come on, kid, time’s a-wastin’.”

              I grinned and let Perry pull me upstairs to the ICU where we officially started our day, though I did little more than daydream about the next day until we met up in the cafeteria for lunch.

              “So, what are we doing tomorrow?” I asked as I sat down next to him at our usual table.  I spotted Turk and Carla and waved them over.  “You have to tell me.”

              “I don’t have to tell you anything, Newbie,” Perry said skeptically, taking a bite of his sandwich.  “A little mystery might do you some good.”

              “Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Carla scolded as she and Turk sat down across from us.  “It’s rude.”

              Perry rolled his eyes, as did Turk.  “Can’t you just say hello like a normal person?” Turk asked, diving into his lunch.

              “Hello,” Carla sighed.  “You know, Turk, some manners wouldn’t kill you either.”

              “I don’t mean to interrupt your bickering,” I cut in, “but I was busy interrogating my fiancé, thank you very much.  He said we’re spending the day together tomorrow, but he won’t tell me what we’re doing.”

              “Oh, that?” Turk asked, raising an eyebrow.  “I know what it is.”

              My mouth dropped open and I stared incredulously at Perry.  “ _Turk_ knows and I don’t?”

              Perry glared at Turk and I suspected he was resisting the urge to kick him.  “Damn it, Gandhi, I told you that in confidence.”

              “I didn’t tell him what you’re doing,” Turk said, grinning.  “No harm done.”

              Perry snorted.  “No harm done,” he repeated, shaking his head.  “You’ve met this man, no?”

              “Per, come on,” I whined.  “Don’t be mad at Turk.  Just tell me what we’re doing!”

              “This is exactly what I was talking about, Gandhi,” Perry sighed, his shoulders slumping dramatically.  “You and I both know that he’s not going to stop asking until one of us caves.”

              “No, he won’t,” Carla said ominously, staring me down.  I couldn’t help but shrink under her gaze.  “Not if he knows what’s good for him and not if he knows that your surprise will be worth it.”

              “All right, all right,” I said, holding my hands up in surrender.  “I’ll stop badgering you guys about it and try to contain my excitement and anticipation until tomorrow.”

              “And I’ve been sworn to secrecy,” Turk said, brandishing his plastic fork at me.  “So don’t go thinking you can try to weasel it out of me.  I am a _brick wall_.”

              “I mean, I kind of doubt that,” I said slowly, “but seriously, I’m not gonna bug you about it.  Not since it’s obviously so important to Perry that it be a surprise.”  I looked over at him and he gave me a smile.  Yeah, it was definitely important.  But what else could he possibly have planned for us?

              “That it is,” Perry confirmed, planting a kiss on the corner of my mouth before going back to his sandwich.

              I watched him for a moment, smiling to myself, and then caught Carla’s eye.  I wondered just exactly how much she picked up on between us.  She was far more observant than anyone even gave her credit for, which was saying something.  As a nurse, it was her _job_ to be observant, but those looks she gave me… It was like she could see _into_ us, like she knew exactly what we were thinking.  At least I knew that someone else besides Perry and I understood and that I could count on her to always be on our side.

              “Hey, did Perry tell you all the news?” I asked, suddenly wondering why no one had been congratulating Perry.

              “What news?” Turk asked, Carla looking confused beside him.  “Unless you’re going to re-announce that you got engaged, in which case, let me tell you, _everyone_ already knows.”

              “That’s not what I meant,” I muttered.  “No, I’m talking about –”

              “Nothing,” Perry said quickly, cutting me off.  “You’re talking about nothing.”

              My brows furrowed as I looked over at him.  “Perry, I don’t –”

              “Nope,” he said, not letting me continue.  “ _You know who_ doesn’t want anyone to know yet.”  He gave me a meaningful look, which I understood to mean Kelso. 

              “Voldemort?” Turk asked in confusion.

              “No, he means me,” Kelso said, turning around in his chair.  I hadn’t realized he was seated directly behind Perry and me.  “At the end of the month, I’ll be stepping down and Perry will be replacing me as Chief of Medicine.  For some reason, he doesn’t want anyone but Dorian here to know.”

              “Dammit, Bob,” Perry groaned, running a hand down his face.  I couldn’t have been more confused about Perry’s reaction to all this… Why had he lied?  As luck would have it, however, Perry’s pager went off and he took the opportunity to fly out of his chair after pressing a hasty kiss to my forehead.  “See you later,” he mumbled as he rushed out of the cafeteria.

              I frowned at my lunch tray, momentarily forgetting that I had an audience.  When I looked back up, Carla and Turk were staring at me.

              “What was that all about?” Carla asked, crossing her arms.

              “I… I honestly don’t know.  He seemed excited about the job this morning, but maybe he’s having second thoughts.  Last night he said he wasn’t sure if he was cut out for the job.”

              “For real?” Turk asked, seeming shocked.  “I mean, if anybody could be Chief besides Kelso, it’d be Perry.”

              “That’s what I told him,” I agreed, picking uninterestedly at my food.  “I thought he was on board, that he wasn’t doubting himself anymore.  Guess I was wrong.  I mean, you can’t tell me that it’s about the attention, because he’s let me go prancing up and down the halls for the last week telling everyone we’re engaged.”

              Carla smiled and reached across the table to pat my hand.  “I’m sure he’ll come around, Bambi,” she said, adopting that motherly tone.  “Once you guys get home tonight, maybe he’ll be ready to talk about it.  Whatever it is, don’t let it ruin tomorrow for you.”

              “I’ll do my best,” I sighed, wishing I could read Perry’s mind.  “I just hope that he doesn’t have enough time until then to get wrapped up in his thoughts.  When he gets that point, it’s hard to break in, you know?”

              “Yeah, but if there’s anyone who can, it’s you, dude,” Turk said seriously.  “Pretty sure you could get that guy to do anything you wanted.”

              “Yeah,” I said quietly, glancing at the doorway of the cafeteria, half-hoping Perry’d come back.

 

              My shift was over an hour before Perry’s, so I headed over to his place, deciding that I’d clean up a bit and try to butter him up so he’d tell me what was going on.  By the time he arrived home, I’d picked up all of the kids’ toys, washed all the dishes in the sink, and made the bed, though I had never seen much point in the last one.  I walked back into the living room when I heard the door just in time to see Perry hanging up his jacket on its usual hook.  He looked exhausted.  I frowned as I watched him, wishing that by now he knew he could trust me, could talk to me.  Part of me wanted to start peppering him with questions – I hadn’t seen much of him after lunch – but I knew that wasn’t the right course of action with Perry.  He looked up at me leaning against the doorway and gave me a soft smile that didn’t quite travel to his eyes.

              I crossed the room then and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly.  “Missed you,” I murmured, just hoping he knew that whatever was worrying him, whatever was holding him back, I would always be there.

              Perry froze for a moment, just briefly, before returning the embrace and burying his face in my hair.  “Oh, Newbie,” he sighed, relaxing at my touch. 

              “Whatever’s bothering you, I just want you to know that you don’t have to shoulder it alone,” I said, pulling back to look up at him.  “And if you don’t want to tell me, that’s – that’s fine.  I just… I’m here for you, okay?”

              “Even if it’s the most ridiculous thing in the world?” Perry asked, looking down even as he took my hands in his own.

              “I’m sure it’s not,” I replied.  “I just hate seeing you like this, Per.”

              Perry led me over to the couch and sank down onto it.  He suddenly looked much older than usual.  “I know we talked about this last night, and it did help, really, but I’m still not sure I’m the right person for this.  Sure, the board thinks I am, and Kelso recommended me, and you believe in me more than anyone, but I can’t help thinking that I’m crazy for actually _wanting_ this…  Guess I feel like I don’t deserve it.”

              “Don’t deserve it?” I asked, hardly able to believe it.  “Perry, you work just as hard, if not harder, as anyone else in the hospital.  You’ve got years of experience and trust me, the board wouldn’t have offered you the job if they didn’t think you were right for it.  I know it’s a lot of pressure and that a lot of things are going to change, but what _won’t_ change is that you’ll still be the best doctor in that place.”

              Perry sighed and draped an arm around my shoulders.  “I’m sorry I snapped at you in the cafeteria,” he said after a long pause.  “Guess the pressure’s making me a little nuts.”

              “All’s forgiven,” I assured him, patting his leg.  “You’re okay, Perry, you hear me?  You’ll be great.”

              “I hear you,” Perry assured me.  “And over the next few weeks, I plan on spending as much time with you as I can before everything gets crazy.”

              I smiled, relaxing against Perry.  “Does that mean whatever my surprise is tomorrow is still on?”

              “Of course,” Perry chuckled, leaning back against the couch and pulling me with him.  “Despite my being a miserable, old grump, our plans tomorrow haven’t changed.”

              I curled into Perry’s side and rested my head on his shoulder.  “Sometimes I can’t believe I got so lucky,” I murmured, feeling Perry’s arm tighten around me.

              “You think you did?” Perry said.  “Imagine I how I feel.  Still can’t quite believe I waited so long to tell you how I felt.  Put you through hell in the process, I know.”

              I shushed Perry them, knowing that if he continued on this tangent, he’d just get down on himself.  “I’m really happy with how things worked out,” I reminded him.  “We’re engaged, Per.  I don’t know that it gets much better than this.”

              Perry placed a kiss on my forehead.  “I have to agree with you, there.  Feels pretty damn perfect, doesn’t it?”

              “Sure does,” I agreed.  “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”  I knew it sounded cheesy, but Perry was used to me talking like that by now. 

              “Me too, angel.  Feels like I’ve been waiting my whole life for you,” he responded, surprising me a little.  It wasn’t as though Perry wasn’t forthcoming about his feelings, but when I got like this, he usually just said things to placate me.  It was rare that he jumped right on board.

              I smiled and tucked myself in as close as I could to him, closing my eyes.  “I love you so much,” I whispered, knowing he’d hear me.

              “I love you,” he echoed.  He seemed to realize I was getting drowsy because the next words out of his mouth were, “Be ready for ten tomorrow.”

              I mumbled my acknowledgement, but I’d always found it so easy to drift off when Perry was holding me like this, not to mention how long and draining my day at work had been.  I would have liked to stay up and talk with Perry longer, but I couldn’t keep myself awake.  Besides, Perry’d never voiced any sort of displeasure with me falling asleep on him.

 

              The first thing I noticed when I woke was that Perry and I were no longer on the couch, but rather in our own bed.  He must have carried me there at some point after I’d drifted off and undressed me until I was left in a t-shirt and boxers.  Being a heavy sleeper definitely had its advantages.  Perry was still sleeping soundly beside me and I glanced at the clock.  Quarter to nine.  We’d have to get up soon; he’d said we needed to be ready for ten.  I still had no idea what he had planned for us, but I was looking forward to it.  Our days off didn’t coincide all that often, though we tried to make it happen as much as we could. 

              I kissed Perry’s cheek before sliding out of bed to get ready for the day.  When I had changed into a fresh shirt and a pair of jeans, I poked my head back into the bedroom to see Perry just starting to stir.  I smiled and walked over to the bed and sat down on it, carding my fingers through Perry’s hair and pressing a kiss to his lips. 

              “Mmm,” he hummed, his eyes still closed.

              “Morning,” I said softly.

              Perry stretched and finally looked up at me, giving me a tired smile.  “Morning,” he replied, his voice scratchy from sleep.  “You dressed already?”

              “I am,” I chuckled, moving back to let him sit up.  “I didn’t know what you had planned and I was excited.”

              Perry grinned.  “Give me a few minutes and we’ll be on our way,” he told me, heading for the bathroom that was just off the bedroom.

              “You’re still not going to tell me, are you?” I sighed, leaning back on the bed.

              He turned in the doorway and smiled smugly at me.  “Not a chance, kiddo.”

 

              Half an hour later, we were in the car heading just outside the city.  I’d long since given up on asking where Perry was taking me and settled for relaxing in the passenger seat with my hand in his.  I looked out the window at the scenery I didn’t often get to see, smiling when Perry hummed along with a few of the songs on the radio.  It struck me just how happy I was.  Things were going so well for both of us – Perry was getting promoted, he and Jordan were getting a long and the kids were happy, Kim and Sam had moved back and I got to spend as much time with him as I wanted, and Perry and I were engaged.  We had finally gotten a handle on things and waking up every morning no longer felt like a task, but rather something I looked forward to.

              “Is it much farther?” I asked after ten more minutes of driving.  “I mean, if you’re taking me out into the wilderness, you could have at least told me to dress appropriately.”

              Perry rolled his eyes but grinned.  “We’re almost there, Newbie,” he assured me.  “And you’re dressed just fine.  I promise, there will be no physical activity that would risk you attempting to be athletic and ending up with a broken bone.”

              “So little faith in me, Perry,” I mock-sighed.  “I’ll have you know that I’ve never broken a bone.”

              “I distinctly remember Gandhi telling me that you fractured your _skull_ ,” Perry said, arching an eyebrow. 

              “I don’t remember much about that…,” I mused, stroking my chin with my free hand.

              “Oh, ham it up,” Perry snorted as he turned off into a driveway.

              “Are we there?  Where’s there?” I asked, quickly growing excited.

              “There’s here,” Perry said cryptically, giving me nothing to go on.

              The driveway was long and framed by large trees on either side, some of which hung over top of the car.  Everything was bright and green and the sun filtered through the branches, casting its warm glow here and there.  The driveway finally opened up to a very large clearing, revealing an expansive two-story house with a wrap-around porch.  There was another vehicle parked near the front steps and I realized why we were here.

              “Oh my god, are you taking me house-hunting?” I asked, my eyes widening as I looked over at Perry, who was having trouble hiding his smile.

              “That’s one of the things on the agenda today, yes,” he confirmed, looking up at the house.  “I’ve been talking to a realtor and she suggested this place.  I know it’s a little further out than we might have liked, but it looks like a great property and she said the house was recently renovated.”

              “It looks amazing,” I breathed.  “Come on, let’s go!  I can’t wait to see it!”

              Perry smiled and let go of my hand so we could get out of the car.  A middle-aged woman walked out of the front door and greeted us with a smile.  She had shoulder-length brown hair parted down the middle and was dressed smartly in a blue pantsuit. 

              “You must be Perry,” she said, extending her hand.  Perry shook it and then replaced his hand on the small of my back.

              “This is my fiancé, JD,” he said as I shook the realtor’s hand.  “This is Patty, the realtor I’ve been in contact with.”

              “It’s nice to meet you,” I said genuinely, though I was finding it hard to focus on her instead of the house.  It looked beautiful and maybe even a little larger than we needed.

              “Likewise,” Patty said, flashing a one hundred watt smile my way.  “And let me say congratulations to the both of you.  Have you set a date yet?”

              “Not yet,” Perry chuckled, also looking up at the house.  “It’s a fairly recent development.  What’s it been, a week?”

              “A week and one day,” I said proudly.  “But who’s counting?”

              “Clearly not you,” Patty laughed.  “But all that aside, are you both ready to see your dreamhouse?”

              “Dreamhouse,” Perry repeated.  “Sounds like a tough sell, but lead on.”

              “Trust me, you’ll both love this property,” Patty said over her shoulder as she led us up the front steps and through the front door.  “It was built in the early 1900s but was gutted and renovated about ten years ago to have more of that open-concept feel.  The previous owners’ taste was very modern, very clean, but throughout the house, you’ll find homages to the previous farmhouse feel.”

              Patty continued to talk, but her voice faded out as I looked around me.  The house was nothing short of magnificent.  The entryway was clean and simple, though it wasn’t unwelcoming at all.  As she led us into the living room, a large, open area, I could see our kids, Jack and Jennifer and Sam, running around here someday.  I could see birthday parties and Christmas get-togethers being held here, with Turk and Carla, Elliot and Keith, Jordan, and Kim.  Maybe we’d even get a few pets, a couple cats and a dog. 

              Faintly, I could hear Perry asking questions about load-bearing walls and security systems and other specifications that meant little to me.  I followed them throughout the rest of the first floor, through the spacious, bright kitchen, the expansive dining room, and into a small, but well-decorated half-bath.  There were stairs leading up to the second floor where there were four decently-sized bedrooms and two more bathrooms.

              “Now,” Patty said as we headed back down the stairs, “I’m sure you’re wondering about the master suite.  I wanted to save the best for last.”

She led us down a hallway on the other side of the living room and opened a door into a gorgeous master bedroom.  There was a large walk-in closet, larger than I would have even thought was necessary for the two of us, and a master bath beside it.  It had a walk-in shower with brown and beige mosaic tile and a jacuzzi tub. 

              “I’ll let you two take a look at the backyard,” Patty said, gesturing at the French doors I’d somehow missed back in the bedroom, “and meet you back out front when you’re ready.”

              Perry led me through the doors and out onto the porch which really did wrap all the way around the house.  The backyard was enormous and most importantly, fenced in, and I could only imagine what this place must cost.

              “What do you think?” Perry asked, gazing out over the grass.

              “Perry, it’s… it’s perfect,” I said softly, awed by the scenery.  “I mean, I can _see_ our kids growing up here.  It’s beautiful.  What do you think?”

              Perry put his arm around my shoulders.  “I was thinking the same thing there, Newbie.  I’d still like to look at some other properties, but I wouldn’t mind putting an offer in on this place.  I don’t imagine it’ll sit on the market very long.”

              “Well, how much is it?” I asked, realizing I hadn’t asked, nor had I heard Patty say anything about the cost of the property.

              “Just a hair under two million,” Perry said without flinching.  I, however, gaped at him.  “You have to understand, this amount of land doesn’t come cheap.  Plus it’s secluded and the house, JD… It’s huge and it’s newly renovated.  I don’t think we can go wrong.”

              “I – I know we can afford it,” I said slowly, “but that’s a lot of money.”

              “Don’t forget, I’m about to be Chief,” Perry reminded me with a small smile.  “I’m not worried about the money.  I’m worried about whether or not you like it.  I want us to make this decision together.”

              I looked up at Perry and something in his expression helped to make my worries fade away.  “Okay,” I said.  “Let’s do this.  Let’s put in an offer.”

             

 

              After we’d had a lengthy discussion with Patty and had decided to put in an offer for asking price, as we all agreed it was a fair price and that we didn’t want to miss out, Perry and I left the house.  I didn’t pay much attention to where Perry was taking me, or to the fact that earlier that morning he’d said there were multiple things on the agenda.

              “Is it bad that I’ve already gotten my hopes up?” I asked, glancing over at Perry, whose hand was resting on my thigh. 

              “I’m right there with you,” he chuckled as we headed back into the city.  “If we do get the place, I’m hoping we can close fairly quickly.  I’d like to get in and get settled as soon as possible.”

              “Look at you, wanting to settle down,” I teased.  “I’m so proud.”

              “Oh, quiet down, would ya,” Perry muttered even as he patted my leg.

              “Hey,” I said, placing my hand on top of his.  “I’m really glad we’re doing this.  I never thought I’d be this happy, you know?”

              Perry smiled as he pulled over.  “I think you’re about to get just a little happier,” he said, gesturing toward the building we’d stopped in front of.

              My brows furrowed, I looked out my window and my jaw dropped.  I’d already forgotten about this particular stop we’d been meaning to make in the excitement of our engagement.  “Really?” I breathed, turning my head back to look at Perry.

              “Really,” he confirmed, leaning over the center console to kiss me.  “Whatever you want, all right?”

              I nodded, pulling Perry’s face back to mine to kiss him again, more deeply.  “I love you,” I murmured.

              “Yeah, I know,” Perry chuckled as we both unbuckled and got out of the car.  He walked around the front to meet me on the sidewalk.

              “I didn’t think I’d be this emotional about getting our rings, but here I am, tearing up already,” I said thickly, hastily wiping my eyes.

              “Do you need a minute before we go in?” Perry asked, watching me carefully.  “I don’t know how well they’ll take tearstains on the display cases.”

              I nudged him playfully, laughing.  “No, come on, let’s go,” I said, sniffling dramatically.  “I’m good, really.  It’s about time you put a ring on this finger.”

             

              It only took twenty minutes for me to find the perfect ring, and surprisingly, Perry agreed.  He had been rather subdued as we looked at ring after ring, the enthusiastic salesperson explaining prices and materials for each one, but when I tried on the ring I’d asked to see, his expression changed and I could have sworn he’d teared up. 

              “It’s perfect, JD,” he said softly, taking my hand in his to inspect the band, a sturdy, plain silver one with three stones running vertically down the center. 

              “You really like it?” I asked.  I didn’t really have any ideas as to what I wanted either of our rings to look like, but this one seemed perfect, at least for me.

              “I really do,” Perry said genuinely.  “How do you feel about getting matching ones?”

              My smile nearly split my face in half as I nodded fervently.  “I love it,” I said, throwing my arms around him, not caring that half the sales staff was watching us.  “I love you.”

              Perry hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek.  “I love you, too,” he whispered before we broke apart.  He immediately turned to the salesperson.  “We’ll take two.”


	3. Wandered Out Into the Water, Thought That I Might Drown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty damn happy with how this chapter turned out and I hope you guys are, too!
> 
> Friendly reminder that if you've already read chapter 2 prior to tonight (July 26th), I made a dumb mistake and didn't upload two pages' worth of writing to the beginning of that chapter. It's kind of important and makes that chapter make a lot more sense and everything for the rest of the fic really stems from there. Not sure how I messed up so bad, but there ya have it!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy chapter 3! :)

              “So, was the surprise everything you hoped it’d be?” Perry asked me.  We’d just finished cleaning up after dinner and were now relaxing on the couch, both of us with a glass of wine.

              “Are you kidding?” I asked, admiring the ring on my finger.  “Perry, it was perfect.  You know that.”

              “I’m just glad that no one ruined the surprise for you,” Perry said, smiling over at me.

              “I could tell it was important,” I told him.  “Normally I would have badgered Turk until he told me, but you were upset when he told me he knew.  So I just left it alone.  And I’m glad I did.”

              “You and me both,” Perry agreed.  “Gandhi knew full well that if he did spill the beans, he’d be dead by now.”

              I rolled my eyes.  “Well, then I’m extra grateful that he didn’t tell me because I’d like for you to _not_ kill him.”

              Perry opened his mouth to reply, but paused when his cell phone rang in his pocket.  “Mind if I take it?” he asked, setting his glass down on the coffee table.

              “No, go ahead,” I said quickly, waving my hand at him. 

              “Perry Cox,” he answered, putting the phone to his ear.

              I got up and headed into the kitchen to rinse out my glass and to see if there was anything we’d forgotten to take care of after dinner.  There were a few dishes left out that were now dry, so I put them away in the cabinet.  When I turned to head back into the living room, I jumped; Perry was leaning against the doorway, watching me.

              “Jeez,” I muttered, putting a hand over my heart.  “You trying to scare me?”

              “That was Patty,” Perry said, taking slow steps toward me. 

              “Really?” I asked, my eyebrows lifting.  “It’s pretty late.  Did she find something else for us to look at?”

              “No,” Perry said, wrapping his arms around my waist and smirking down at me.

              I placed my hands on his chest, smiling back up at him.  “What’s gotten into you?  You’re being so mysterious,” I accused, though I was only teasing.

              “JD,” Perry said in that soft voice that was reserved for me alone, “they accepted our offer.  We got the house.”

              I froze, my eyes going wide as I stared at Perry.  “I – are you _serious_?” I asked incredulously.  “We actually got it?”

              Perry nodded, smiling brilliantly.  “We got it!” he laughed.  “We’re homeowners!”

              I threw my arms around Perry’s neck and held him tightly, laughing along with him.  “I can’t believe this!” I cried.  “We bought a house!”

              Perry lifted me up off the floor and set me on the counter before taking my face in his hands and kissing me deeply.  “The sellers are motivated,” he said between kisses.  “They want to close as quickly as possible, which means the house is ours in four weeks.”

              “Just when I thought we couldn’t get any luckier,” I sighed, threading my fingers into Perry’s hair, my lips barely leaving his. 

              Perry pressed himself up against me and I wrapped my legs around his waist.  “Wanna get _really_ lucky?” he asked, sucking at my neck.

              “Do I ever,” I sighed, letting my head fall back against the cabinet door.  “Once it’s ours, we gotta break that house in.”

              “It’s a date,” Perry agreed, pushing aside my shirt so he could keep kissing down my neck, to my collar bone.  “I’ll be Chief by then, you know.”

              “You can wear your – fuck – lab coat if you want,” I gasped, shuddering when Perry bit down.  “I’ll even call you Dr. Cox.”

              “Save it for another night, JD,” Perry whispered in my ear.  “Right now I just want to fuck you.”

              “Mm, please do,” I breathed, closing my eyes again as Perry ran his hand under my shirt and teased at one of my nipples.  “Fuck me into the mattress… for old times’ sake?”

              “Your wish is my command,” Perry said, nipping at my neck once more before he pulled away. 

              I slid down from the counter and started toward the bedroom, though Perry circled an arm around my waist and pulled me back to his chest into a crushing kiss.  “Love you,” he said, so quietly that I barely heard him.

              “Love you,” I echoed, continuing to kiss Perry even as I dragged him out of the kitchen.  He was a bit more cooperative when I started rubbing him through his jeans, squeezing along the length of his cock.  He groaned into the kiss and pushed me back against the wall just outside the bedroom door, rolling his hips up into my touch.

              I bit down on his lower lip and pulled, earning another gasp from him.  I wanted him to know that I was in a rough mood and that he had better take advantage of it.  “Bedroom,” I said in a low voice, removing my hand from his cock.  “ _Now_.”

              Perry grunted in agreement, pulling me into our room.  _Finally._ Eagerly, I reached for Perry’s shirt, but he gripped my wrists and pushed me back onto the bed.  “No touching,” he whispered, hovering over me for just a few moments before he pulled away to search in his nightstand.  My cock twitched at the dominant tone in his voice and instantly knew that I was going to get exactly what I wanted tonight.  Just when I thought the day couldn’t get any better after buying a house and picking out our rings, he really was going to give it to me good.

              When Perry turned back to me and climbed back up on the bed, it was with the bottle of lube in one hand and a pair of wrist cuffs in the other.  My eyes widened just slightly as I watched him set them on the bed beside me and pull off his shirt.  “Just making sure that you play by the rules,” he explained, reaching forward to take my shirt off. 

              “Don’t I always?” I asked, breathless.  It took all my self-control to not reach out and run my hands over his chest. 

              “No, you don’t,” Perry said calmly, tossing my shirt onto the floor near his own.  “But now you won’t have a choice.”

              I swallowed hard and moved to start unbuttoning my pants.  I was so hard already – just the tone of Perry’s voice was more than enough to turn me on.  Before I could get any further, Perry took my hands and pinned them up above my head.  “I said _no touching_ ,” he reminded me, reaching for the cuffs.

              “I thought you meant no touching _you_ ,” I said innocently, though I was awed by his roughness.  “God, you’re hot.”

              Perry remained quiet as he secured the cuffs, weaving them through the headboard to be sure I wasn’t going anywhere.  He then bent his head down and started trailing kisses down my chest.  Immediately, I tried to free my hands so I could run them through his hair, even though I knew better.  He lifted his head at the telltale sound of the chain hitting the headboard and had the audacity to _smirk_ at me. 

              “Something wrong?” Perry asked nonchalantly even as he slid down lower on my body and continued to unbutton my pants, picking up where I’d left off.

              “No, n-nothing,” I said, lifting my hips to help him get my pants off.  I was already turning into a mess like I always did when he got possessive, dominant. 

              Perry slid off my pants, taking my boxers with them, and then did the same with his own.  “You are so fucking gorgeous,” he breathed, kissing my hip as he took my cock in his hand, beginning a slow stroke.

              I whimpered at the contact, my eyes closing.  “I love you so much,” I managed, trying not to beg for more, knowing that if I did, Perry wouldn’t give it to me.

              Perry’s hand left me for a moment or two and I heard him open the bottle of lube.  “I love you, too, sweetheart,” he whispered as he pressed a finger to my entrance, eliciting a low moan from me.

              “Can’t wait,” I panted as Perry slipped a finger inside me, grateful that he didn’t seem to want to keep me waiting, “’til we can do this in our own house.  In – in our _home_.”

              “Shh,” Perry reprimanded gently, sucking at the same spot on my hip that he’d kissed before.  “Just relax.”

              “Relaxing,” I said, shivering when Perry added a second finger and easily found my prostate.  I moaned again, straining against the wrist cuffs.  “Oh, _Perry_.”

              Perry slipped in a third finger and I threw my head back against the pillows and arched up into his touch.  “Keep moaning for me, angel,” he purred.  “You can be as loud as you want.”

              I knew Perry loved hearing me, loved knowing that he was the one who had such an effect on me and whatever gave Perry pleasure gave me pleasure, too.  I moaned again when Perry’s fingers left me, moving instead to spread lube onto his cock.

              “Hard,” I reminded Perry, watching him intently.  I wished I could touch him, but I also enjoyed the excitement of not being able to do so.

              Perry smirked and carefully guided himself into me, both of us breathing hard.  I groaned as he filled me, knowing that he’d follow through, but that the last thing he’d ever want to do was hurt me.  He leaned down and kissed me deeply, brushing the hair back off my forehead.  I pulled even harder at my restraints when Perry’s thrusts suddenly turned rough.

              “Fuck,” I cried out, my mouth dropping open against his.  “Harder.”

              Perry pulled at my hair just enough to make me cry out and I arched up against him.  He did oblige, though, thrusting into me even harder at a fast pace.  I’d never last long like this, but oh _god_ , did it feel good.

              “Gonna make you come without even touching you,” Perry purred.  He was incredible like this, taking exactly what he wanted, how he wanted, and I never tired of it. 

              “I don’t – doubt it,” I gasped between thrusts, squeezing my eyes shut tightly.  “Jesus, Perry.”  I whimpered as my cock twitched, caught between our bodies.

              He’d finally found the perfect angle, the one that had him brushing against my prostate with nearly every thrust.  The intensity of it all combined with the angle had me moaning and gasping with each movement.  I was babbling nonsense and I knew it, mixed with Perry’s name.  He groaned every so often, especially when I’d tighten around him, tensing up more and more.  “Getting close?” he asked, breathless. 

              “H-how could you tell?” I asked, forcing my eyes open so I could look up at him.

              “Call it intuition,” Perry muttered, kissing me again, hard and desperate.  He had his weight on one of his arms and his other hand on my hip for leverage. 

              Everything was starting to converge and though he really hadn’t touched my cock, I was impossibly close.  “Don’t stop,” I whined, my back arching up off the bed.  “I’m gonna come, so close…”

              Perry grunted in acknowledgement, burying his face against my neck as his hips stuttered.  He was close, too.  I groaned in frustration at not being able to hold him, but my frustration dissipated when Perry slammed into me.  I felt him finish, his cock spasming inside me, and I was only moments behind him.  I moaned loudly, my hips bucking up as I came, making a mess between us that I knew neither of us minded.

              Perry slumped against me, both of us gasping for breath.  “Perry,” I whimpered as soon as I was able to form words.  “Per, please.”

              He lifted his head, seeming briefly confused until he realized I was still restrained.  He kissed me quickly before reaching up to release me.  “You were amazing,” he murmured, reaching for a tissue on his nightstand.  He cleaned off both of our stomachs and tossed the tissue in the trashcan.

              “You too,” I sighed softly, melting as Perry wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest.  “Like this better though, being able to touch you.”

              “I know,” Perry breathed, stroking my hair.  “So do I.  Quite the celebration, though.”

              “Sure was,” I agreed, smiling against Perry’s chest.  We were both quiet for a while, soaking in the quiet afterglow.  “Are you ever so happy that you feel like you could explode?”

              “Only every day of my life, Newbie,” came Perry’s response.  “Thanks to you.”

              “I just think about how far we’ve come since we first met.  We’ve both got amazing kids, we’re getting married, we’re buying a house, you’re going to be Chief…  I never knew life could be so good.”

              “I knew as soon as I saw you walk across that roof,” Perry said quietly.  I lifted my head to look at him, my eyes shining, as he continued.  “You were dressed in that suit and you looked so nervous but so _happy_.  It was like you were glowing.  I knew right then that you were going to make me happier than I’ve ever been.”

              “Oh, Perry,” I sighed softly, ducking my head momentarily.  “That was the sweetest, most amazing thing anyone had ever done for me.  If I hadn’t already been in love with you then, that would have sealed the deal.”

              “I wish I could do that for you every day,” Perry admitted.  “But even that doesn’t quite communicate just how much you mean to me.”

              “You don’t have to,” I said, shaking my head.  “I already know because I love you just as much as you love me.  You don’t need to prove anything to me or to anyone else.”

              Perry smiled.  “If you say so,” he allowed, placing a tender kiss on my lips.  “Doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep trying.”

              “I didn’t say you had to stop,” I said, grinning.  “Just that you don’t _have_ to.”

              “Come here, kiddo,” Perry said warmly, pulling me back to his chest.  “Love you.”

              “Love you, too, Chief,” I echoed, closing my eyes and relaxing into Perry.  I fell asleep soon after with a smile on my face.

 

* * *

 

 

              As hectic as our lives were, the next several weeks passed quickly and seemingly before we knew it, Kelso worked his last day as Sacred Heart’s Chief of Medicine, meaning that the next day would be Perry’s first day in his new role.  I was working a shift that started later than Perry’s new hours, but I still got up with him that morning, feeling a little like a proud parent on their child’s first day of school.

              “Come on, just one picture,” I insisted, standing in the middle of the living room in my pajamas while Perry was fully dressed in his usual t-shirt, scrubs bottoms, and lab coat. 

              “JD, I look the same as I do every day,” Perry said, running a hand down his face in exasperation.

              “Uh, no you don’t.  Now your I.D. badge and the stitching on your coat says ‘Perry Cox, Chief of Medicine.’  That’s cause for a picture.”

              Perry walked over to me, grabbed my phone, and tossed it over onto the couch.  Before I could protest, he took my face in his hands and kissed me thoroughly.  “I need to get going or I’ll be late,” he told me.  “I’ll see you when you get in.”

              I smiled up at him and patted his sides.  “All right,” I acquiesced.  “Good luck.  I love you.”

              “Love you, too,” Perry said, the corner of his mouth quirking up as he kissed me once more, quickly.  He turned on his heel and left, closing the door behind him.

  

              “Oh… my… _god_ ,” I gushed, pushing my way past Ted – and noting the list outside Perry’s door that said that I was _always_ allowed in – and walking into Perry’s new office.  “Look at you!”

              Perry rolled his eyes, but looked rather harried, surrounded by heaps of paperwork while his desk phone rang off the hook.  “Yeah,” he muttered, gesturing to the mess around him.  “Look at me.”

              I frowned then, walking over to the desk and sitting on the edge.  “Hey,” I said softly, waiting until he looked up at me to continue, “it’s only day one.  You’re going to be fine.”

              “I know,” Perry sighed, reaching out for my hand.  “I know I will.  Just overwhelmed right now.  Sure am happy to see you, though.”

              My expression brightened and I squeezed Perry’s hand.  “If I haven’t said it already, I am _so_ proud of you, Per.”

              Perry chuckled.  “You might have mentioned it a time or two.  Now, go on, get out of here.  One of us is supposed to treat patients full-time.”

              “Yes, _sir_ ,” I said, saluting Perry as I slid off the desk.  “I’ll come check on you later, okay?”

              “I’ll look forward to it,” Perry said, giving me a more genuine smile.  I was glad I was able to relieve some of the tension that I’d seen in him when I’d first walked in. 

 

              I spent my lunch with Elliot in the cafeteria.  She’d been lonely with Keith out of town visiting his family, and even though they spent plenty of time on the phone, I knew she wanted company. 

              “Is this seat taken?” I asked, plopping down into the seat across from her unceremoniously without waiting for an answer.

              Elliot smiled at me and shook her head.  “What if I had said it was?”

              I shrugged.  “I would have taken it anyway.  My company is a joy to all.”

              “Did Perry tell you that?”

              “No, but I’m sure he’d agree.”

              “Sure, JD,” Elliot said, rolling her eyes.  “Hey, while I’ve got you, I’ve been working on something for you and Perry.”

              “Is it the scrapbook?”

              “How do you know about it already?” Elliot whined, her shoulders slumping.

              “Elliot, I think everyone in the hospital has seen it already except for Perry and me.  You can’t keep a secret when it comes to weddings or babies.”

              Elliot pouted momentarily, but seemed to realize I was right.  “Oh well, what can you do?” she sighed, digging in the bag she had on the chair beside her and pulling out a sizeable scrapbook.  “I have it organized into different categories: centerpieces, themes, musical selections, colors, clothing, ceremony ideas… you get the idea.  And it’s all alphabetized obviously.”

              “Obviously,” I said under my breath, quietly enough that Elliot wouldn’t hear.  I pulled the book toward me and paged through it, wowed by the amount of time and energy Elliot had clearly put into it.  “Elliot, this is actually amazing.  I – thank you so much.”

              Elliot smiled, blowing her hair out of her face.  “You can take it home with you if you want,” she offered.  “I can always start a new one – this one’s pretty much full anyway.  I’m just really happy for you guys, you know?”

              “I know,” I said, looking back up at her.  “And we both really appreciate it.  All you guys supporting us means the world to us.  I – I really like this, Elliot.  How’d you find all this stuff?”

              “I have my ways,” Elliot said nonchalantly, taking a bite of her lunch.  “Just let me know what you like from all the categories and we’ll narrow it down from there.  I mean, if you want me to help, of course.”

              “Are you kidding?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.  “Elliot, I don’t think we’d be able to do this without you.  Perry definitely wants to be involved in the planning, but he doesn’t want to be _involved_ involved.”

              “Well, whatever you need, let me know,” Elliot said warmly.  “It’d be a shame to let all my brilliance go to waste.”

              I chuckled and set the book aside so I could start eating.  “That it would,” I agreed.

 

 

              After lunch, I saw a few more patients and then made my way back to Perry’s office to see how he was doing.  I brought Elliot’s wedding scrapbook with me, eager to show Perry some of my favorite ideas so far.  I knocked lightly on the half-open door before pushing my way inside, finding Perry with his face in his hands.

              “Perry?” I asked cautiously.  “Hey, is everything all right?”

              Perry looked up at me and sighed.  “Just exhausted is all,” he said, putting on a brave face that I didn’t quite believe.

              I set the book down on Perry’s desk and walked behind his chair, starting to massage his shoulders and his neck, feeling the tension there.  “You’re doing great so far,” I murmured.

              “So you say,” Perry said, relaxing only slightly at my touch.  “I still have so many things to do… Kelso left me more work than he let on.”

              “Well, you don’t have to get everything done on day one,” I reminded him.  “Maybe just focus on a few things, divide it up so it’s more manageable.  That’s what I did in med school.”

              “That’s easier said than done, Newbie,” Perry said, sounding a little frustrated.  “A lot of these things should have _already_ been done.”

              I abandoned my massage, deciding to try another tactic.  “Maybe a little break would help,” I suggested.  “Elliot finally gave me her wedding scrapbook and there’s actually some pretty cool ideas in here I wanted you to look at.”  I reached for the book, opening it to a page I’d bookmarked, and pulled it toward us.  “Like these colors, I think they’d look really nice –”

              “Can we just… calm down on the wedding stuff right now?” Perry asked tiredly.  “Look, angel, I’m sorry, really I am, but I can’t focus on this when I’ve got twenty other things to do.”

              I tried to mask my hurt as quickly as possible even though I knew what Perry said made sense.  I had assumed talking about something more enjoyable would have cheered him up, but I’d been off base.  What would happen at the end of the week when we closed on the house and actually got to move in?  If he was this overwhelmed just by work, how would he handle a wedding _and_ a new home?  “No, of course, you’re right.  I’m sorry.  Wedding stuff can wait while we’re working.  I’ll get out of your hair.”  I kissed Perry’s cheek and gathered up the book, careful not to disturb the paperwork on his desk, and left his office before he could say much else.

              I ran into Turk twenty minutes later and as usual, he noticed I was feeling a little off right off the bat.

              “What’s going on with you?” he asked, eyeing me carefully.

              “It’s nothing, really,” I sighed.  “Perry just snapped at me a little.  It wasn’t really even _snapping_.  But it totally makes sense.  He’s overwhelmed and I keep badgering him about wedding stuff.”

              “Hey, you remember how stressed Carla and I got while we were planning our wedding,” Turk reminded me.  “You don’t have to be in a rush to plan.  You guys can just take your time.  And besides, he told you the Chief job was going to be a transition for both of you.  It’s just his first day.”

              “Yeah, of course he did.  I know that.  I just thought planning the wedding would cheer him up, not stress him out more, but it makes sense in hindsight.  I told him we can wait to talk about that stuff ‘til we’re at home.  I don’t need to put any more on his plate.  Oh, and we’re moving this weekend, too, to top it all off.”

              “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Turk said calmly, clapping me on the shoulder.  “You guys’ll figure it out with time.  You always do.  Until then, just relax, V-Bear.”

              “Easier said than done,” I mumbled, echoing Perry’s earlier words.  “I have Sam for a few days and Jordan’s supposed to be dropping the kids off tonight, too.  It’ll be interesting, I’m sure, but not relaxing.”

              “You got this,” Turk said confidently.  “And, hey, you can always call me if you need to vent.  I’ll even let you talk to Rowdy.”

              I smiled then, realizing I hadn’t had Rowdy since moving in with Perry.  “You tell him I miss him, right?”

              “Course I do.  You’d do the same for me.”

              “Sure would, Choco.  Sure would.”


	4. Moving In, Moving Out, Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! This was a fun chapter to write, but for whatever reason, it took me a while! Either way, I hope you guys enjoy it! Please let me know your thoughts! :)

              As promised, after work Perry and I went to Kim’s to pick up Sam.  Sam had fussed the whole car ride home and the tension Perry was radiating wasn’t helping.  He hadn’t been very talkative on the ride to Kim’s or when we’d gotten to her place, though she’d asked him a few questions about his first day. 

              Hesitantly, I had decided to breach the subject on the drive back to our apartment.  “You know, you were a little cold with Kim,” I said slowly, staring at the dashboard.  “She was just trying to be nice.”

              Perry sighed, staring straight ahead at the road, but from the corner of my eye, I saw his hands tighten on the steering wheel.  “I’m really not in the mood, JD,” was his only reply.

              “Fine,” I muttered, crossing my arms.  “I’m just saying –”

              “Newbie!” Perry snapped.  “I know you were _just saying_.  I’m asking you not to.  Not tonight.”

              I bit my tongue and turned my head to look out my window.  There was no point in continuing on if he was just going to act like a child.  Tonight was going to be a blast. 

              When we got home, I carefully extracted Sam’s car seat from the back and spoke softly to him as we walked inside, trailing a good distance behind Perry.  Quite frankly, I didn’t want to be around him at the moment.  I knew I should just keep quiet and be supportive, but Perry had to know that he couldn’t snap at me any time he was tired or overwhelmed.  I was always on his side – but he should have already known that.

              I busied myself with calming Sam by pacing around the apartment, ignoring Perry as he sat on the couch brooding.  Jordan arrived fifteen minutes later and Jack came barreling into the apartment, running straight for Perry.

              I watched from across the room as Perry gathered Jack up into his arms, a smile forming on his face as Jack giggled and threw his arms around Perry’s neck.  Jordan walked up beside me, setting Jennifer down in her car seat and gently nudging it to rock her back and forth.  “How’s he handling the new job?” she asked, and I was grateful that Perry was absorbed with Jack for the moment.

              I shrugged.  “You know, it’s an adjustment.  He’s still getting the hang of things.  It’ll be fine.”

              “He’ll get there, DJ,” Jordan assured me.  “But he’s going to need you there backing him up.  I’m sure you know that already, though.”

              “I’ve always got his back,” I said, nodding.  “No matter what.”

              Perry glanced up at me then, though I was certain he couldn’t hear our conversation.  He gave me a small, apologetic smile before turning his attention back to Jack.  I knew he was sorry for taking out his frustration on me, and I held out hope that he would be more mindful of his reactions from now on.

              Jordan came with me to the spare bedroom to help me put Sam and Jennifer down for the night as it was already getting pretty late.  “How was he today really?” she asked bluntly, though she kept her voice down.

              “I think you probably already know the answer to that,” I sighed.  “I just… it’s so frustrating when he gets like this.  He’s so stressed, but he won’t let anyone help him.”

              Jordan nodded knowingly, placing Jennifer in her crib.  There wasn’t much space in the guest room between Jennifer’s and Sam’s cribs _and_ Jack’s bed.  I couldn’t wait until we were in the new house.  “You know as well as I do that Perry is great at getting in his own way.  He’s gotten better over the years, but this is different.  He’s got everyone in that hospital answering to him and he still has to answer to the board.  He’s gonna have a hell of a time with this.”

              “But he can do it,” I said, settling Sam down and turning to Jordan.  “There’s never been a doubt in my mind that he can.  I think half the problem is that _he_ doesn’t think he can.”

              “Well, you had better make sure he does,” Jordan warned, “otherwise I think you’re going to have bigger issues than the hospital.”

              I frowned, the reality of what Jordan had said sinking in.  “You’re wrong,” I said determinedly.  “I – I don’t care what that place throws at us.  Perry and I are stronger than that.  I’m sorry if you don’t think so, but that’s the truth.”

              To my shock, Jordan actually smiled, albeit begrudgingly.  “Good,” she said simply.  “Keep thinking like that.”

              With that, she left, leaving me alone with Jennifer and Sam, who’d gone to sleep with relatively little fight.  I sank down onto the edge of Jack’s bed, putting a hand to my forehead.  What had started out as such an exciting day had ended so poorly, so much so that all I wanted was to crawl into bed and fall asleep with the hope that the next day would be better.  I sighed and scrubbed my hands over my face before I pushed myself up off Jack’s bed.  I paused momentarily, surprised to see Perry standing in the doorway with Jack already asleep in his arms.  Perry looked a little sheepish, but I was still frustrated.  I moved out of the way so Perry could put Jack to bed and slipped into our bedroom, navigating around the few boxes we’d already packed in preparation for the move. 

              I had just finished getting ready for bed when Perry made his way into our room, looking exhausted.  Silently, he stripped down to his boxers and sat down beside me on the bed.  “JD,” he started and I closed my eyes, glad I was laying on my side, facing away from him. 

              “Look, Perry, I’m tired and I don’t –”

              “I’m sorry,” Perry said, something in his voice making me stop and listen.  Slowly, I sat up next to him.  “All you were doing today was trying to help and the way I treated you was uncalled for.  I know that.  Just tell me what I can do to make it up to you.”

              “Not taking it out on me again would be a good start,” I said in a subdued voice.  “Believe me, Perry, I understand how different this is and how hard of a transition it is, but you have to know that I’m in your corner.  If – if we have to establish different boundaries at work, that’s fine, I’m okay with that, but you can’t shut me out.”

              “I know that,” Perry agreed, nodding.  “I’m not trying to make excuses for the way I acted.  Today was just…  If I’m being honest with you, Newbie, I don’t know if I’m cut out for this job.  I don’t know what the board was thinking.”

              “They knew _exactly_ what they were doing when they hired you,” I said firmly, turning to face Perry.  “Just because day one wasn’t a walk in the park doesn’t mean you should give up.  And maybe reaching out to Kelso for some advice wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world.”

              “The last thing I want to do is go to _Bob_ for help,” Perry sighed.  “To give him the satisfaction –”

              “I mean this in the nicest, most gentle way possible, but can you just put aside your pride for one second?” I said bluntly.  “You’re the _Chief of Medicine_ now.  You need everyone to work together and that includes you.  I think it’s time to ask for help even if you don’t want to.”

              Perry was quiet for a long time after I said that, so long that I started to worry that he had gotten upset again.  Much to my utter surprise, his response was merely, “You know what, you’re right.  And I’m sorry.”

              “It’s okay,” I said softly.  “Come here.”  I pulled Perry closer, laying both of us down.  “Tomorrow will be a better day, I promise.  And if you need me to stay out of your way or – or to do anything, really, just tell me.”

              Perry wrapped his arms around me and miraculously, I felt him relax.  “Right now, I just need you here,” he murmured.  “And for the record, I don’t want different boundaries at work.  I want to see you when you have a free moment.  But I do think that wedding planning is best saved for when we’re at home.”

              “I agree,” I said softly.  “Really, I do.  Speaking of which, are you ready for the move this weekend?  I don’t want to put even more pressure on you, but it’s coming up pretty fast.”

              “I’m looking forward to it,” Perry assured me, brushing his thumb across my cheek.  “And I think I’ll call Kelso tomorrow, ask him if he’d be willing to set up a time to come in and talk with me.”

              “I think that’s a great idea, Per,” I said with a soft smile.  “Now why don’t you get some rest?”

              “I’d like that very much,” Perry said, barely holding back a yawn.  “G’night, kiddo.”

              “Night, Perry.”

 

* * *

 

 

              The rest of the week passed without incident.  Kelso had agreed to come in and talk to Perry, though he was out of town until the following week, so Perry was left to fend for himself.  I thought that he was doing a remarkable job, shouldering the weight of so much responsibility, and though I could tell he was tired – more tired than he’d been in a long time – he was coping.  As soon as he came home each night, he ate a hasty dinner, managed a shower, and then fell into bed.  I wasn’t far behind him, and while I worried about him, I was glad that he had taken our talk to heart and hadn’t taken out his frustrations on me.  However, I was a little apprehensive about his quiet demeanor – if this meant that he wasn’t going to talk about work at all, we’d have to revisit the subject because the last thing I wanted him to do was bottle it all up.

              Work was put on the back burner for the weekend, though, with our impending move.  Jordan and Kim had taken the kids with our eternal appreciation, while Turk, Carla, Elliot, and Keith all volunteered to help us.  None of us had very sizeable vehicles, which left us renting a U-Haul, which Perry and I started loading bright and early Saturday morning after a hasty breakfast.  The rest of the gang arrived around nine, ready and raring to go. 

              “All right,” I said from my perch on the back of the couch, surveying all the boxes around us, “we were really hoping just to get everything moved over to the house today so Perry and I can have tomorrow to unpack and get settled.  Now I must ask you this, troops.  Are you ready?”

              Perry stood behind the others, leaning against the doorway with a smile on his face as he shook his head.  Carla stared at me with an eyebrow raised while Turk grinned and said, “Hell yeah!”  Elliot giggled and Keith looked rather confused.

              “Come on,” I groaned, sliding down off the couch.  “Are you _ready?_ ”

              “Hell yeah,” Carla, Elliot, and Keith sighed. 

              Perry came forward and picked up a box.  “Newbie, I’m sorry, but I think that’s as good as you’re going to get,” he said, already making his way toward the front door.

              I frowned.  “I’m disappointed in you three.  Turk, thank you for coming through for me.”

              “I got your back, dude,” Turk assured me, hoisting a box into his arms.  “Once their coffee kicks in, they’ll be better.”

              It was true.  As the day went on, they did get better, more energized.  With their teamwork, we were able to get all the boxes _and_ furniture loaded in just over three hours, after which we took a well-deserved pizza break, which we ate sitting on the kitchen counters.  Perry was even in good spirits and stuck close beside me, occasionally elbowing me playfully or even kissing my admittedly sweaty forehead.  He really did love me.

              Once we’d finished off every last slice of pizza, it was time to head out to the house.  It would be the first time everyone got to see it and I could hardly contain my excitement.  They were all following us in their own vehicles, but that meant Perry and I had a little time to ourselves. 

              “Things are going great so far –”

              Perry cut me off by wrapping a hand around the back of my neck and pulling me in for a long deep kiss that left me breathless. 

              “What was that for?” I asked softly, despite knowing that the others were probably waiting for us to get moving. 

              “No reason in particular,” Perry said, stroking my hair.  “Just glad we’re finally here.”

              “Not there yet,” I said with a smile.  “Got about a half an hour drive.  _Then_ we’re there.”

              “Regardless,” Perry murmured, “I want to thank you for being so great this last week.  You’ve been so supportive, sweetheart, and I couldn’t have done this without you.  I know you know that.  Just thought it might be nice if you heard it.”

              I leaned in once again, our lips meeting as I pulled him close.  The kiss lingered for a while, my thoughts of the others waiting for us melting away.  When we broke away for breath, I rested my forehead against Perry’s.  “You’re doing great,” I breathed.  “Really, Per, I am _so_ proud of you that I just want to tell you every second of the day.  Hell, I want to tell _strangers_ how proud of you I am.”

              Perry smiled, kissing me once more before straightening up behind the wheel.  “You’re too sweet, kid,” he replied, sounding nothing but pleased.  “You keep on buttering me up and we’ll never get any work done.”

              “Any other time, I’d say ‘screw it’ and screw _you,_ ” I said with a grin, “but as it is, we have four people who’ve somehow agreed to help us move and they’re probably getting a little impatient.”

              “Fair enough,” Perry agreed, patting me on the thigh before starting the truck up.  It rumbled to life and I secured my seatbelt, pleased when Perry reached out for my hand after shifting into drive.

              The half hour-long drive didn’t seem so long, especially with the beautiful scenery we encountered once we were outside the city limits.  I was already looking forward to the drive to work every day, and I envisioned what it would look like if we were in Ohio during autumn when the leaves began to change.  It wouldn’t happen here in California, but it was one of the only things I missed from home, the change from summer to fall.

“Do you ever miss Pittsburgh?” I asked, tearing my gaze away from our surroundings to turn and look at Perry.

              He chuckled, sounding just slightly bitter.  “No, I don’t,” he said, his hands tightening on the wheel for a moment. 

              “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up,” I said hastily.  “I was just thinking about when the leaves would change color back home.  Made me excited for Halloween.”

              Perry visibly relaxed, for which I was grateful.  “Never had you pegged for a Halloween kid,” he said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at me.  “You always struck me as the kind who’d never fall asleep on Christmas Eve because you were too excited for the next day.”

              “I’m not saying you’re wrong,” I laughed, “but I _loved_ Halloween.  The trick-or-treating, the costumes, the _candy_ …  Really made you feel like a kid, you know?”

              “I’ll take your word for it.”

              “What do you mean?  Didn’t you ever go trick-or-treating?”

              “I didn’t, no,” Perry said after a brief pause.  “I took Paige one year.  She – she dressed up as a cat.  Used our mom’s lipstick to paint whiskers on her face.  She was only six, had no idea what she was doing, and I was eleven.  I hardly wanted to be seen with her, but I also didn’t want her to miss out.  She deserved to have fun.  Turned out it wasn’t such a great idea.  As soon as we got back home, my father was there, drunk as always, and for whatever reason, he was beside himself that I’d taken Paige trick-or-treating.  I told her to go into our room, shut the door, and go to sleep, but she wanted to show off the candy she’d gotten.  Dad didn’t like that much… and that was the first time I hit back.”

              I was quiet.  This was the first time Perry’d opened up about his childhood, and while I’d known it hadn’t been ideal, I hadn’t realized it had been _that_ bad.  I didn’t know what to say and I knew that he wouldn’t want to be pitied for it.

              “You remember when I found out Jack was mine?” Perry asked after he took a deep breath.

              “How could I forget?” I asked in a shaky voice.  “You seemed so scared.”

              “He – my father – he was the first thing I thought of.  I was so afraid I’d turn out like him and I didn’t want that kind of life for my child.  I thought for a while that the best thing would be for me to stay out of his life.  But I know now that no matter what happens, no one will take me away from my kids.  And that I’ll never be anything like him.”

              “I couldn’t have put it any better myself,” I said, reaching out for Perry’s hand.  “They’re so lucky to have a dad like you, Perry.  Every time they come over or Jordan drops by the hospital with them, your eyes just light up.”

              I was pleased to see that Perry smiled at the thought of his children, that talking about his past didn’t seem to have put him in a mood.  “Wouldn’t have said it a few years ago, but there’s nothing more important than family,” he said, looking over at me with a heartwarming tenderness.  “Family’s gotten a lot bigger over the years.”

              “I’m just glad I’m a part of that now.  Not that I didn’t think I was, but I’d wanted it for so long and it never seemed like something that would actually happen.  Luck never seemed to be on my side.  And then you kissed me at my going-away party and everything changed.”

              “Sure am glad that happened,” Perry agreed.  “Finally got it through my thick skull that I needed you, too.  Need you _a lot,_ as it turns out.”

              I squeezed Perry’s hand, suddenly emotional.  “Feels pretty intense sometimes,” I said softly.  “The fact that you love me.”

              Perry glanced over at me, hearing the change in my voice.  “Well, I hope you can get used to it, because I have no intention of ever stopping, kiddo.”

              I nodded, clearing my throat.  “Me either,” I murmured.  “God, how do we get so sappy in the middle of _moving_?”

              “Comes with the territory, I suppose,” Perry said, managing a laugh.  “Come on now, enough with the emotions.  Gotta get ready for the endless hauling of boxes.  We’re almost at our turn-off.”

              “Can we listen to Journey?” I asked Perry, employing my sweetest look, complete with the puppy-dog eyes I knew he couldn’t resist.

              He sighed.  “Yeah, we can listen to Journey.”

 

* * *

 

 

              I lost track of the time after we got to the house and started unloading the U-Haul.  Perry seemed more relaxed than he’d been all week despite the backbreaking work of hauling in box after box and all our furniture.  I had taken some of my things from my old apartment, which only added to the number of items we had to team lift and maneuver up the stairs to the porch and deposit in the correct room so Perry and I didn’t have to move it later.

              After what felt like forever, the six of us collapsed onto the couches, sweating and exhausted.  Keith had proved to be invaluable and he’d grown on me in the last few months, though I drew the line at him asking Perry if they wanted to work out together.  I was grateful we’d thought to bring beers for all of us and I distributed them out of the cooler in the kitchen as we didn’t have any appliances hooked up yet.

              “Seriously, thank you guys so much,” I said, leaning back against Perry as I took a long sip.  “We couldn’t have gotten this done without you.”

              “Happy to help,” Keith said, raising his beer to us. 

              “You know we’d do anything for you two,” Carla said warmly.  “The house is just gorgeous, by the way.”

              “It really is,” Elliot agreed, smiling as she looked around the room.  “The kids are gonna love it.  Have they been here yet?”

              “No, not yet,” Perry told her.  “Jack’s the only one who really knows something’s going on, given all the boxes that’ve been sitting around the apartment.  I know he’ll really enjoy the backyard, though.  Kid loves to run around.”

              “We’ve already talked about getting him a dog,” I said, grinning.  “A _live_ one.”

              “How d’you think Rowdy will take that?” Turk asked, affronted.

              “I think Rowdy will appreciate me moving up in the world,” I said, taking another swig of beer.  “And they can have playdates.”

              “No, they most certainly can _not_ ,” Perry said, though I knew he was teasing.  “That stuffed thing is not setting one paw in this house.”

              “Fine then,” Turk sighed.  “I’ll leave him on the porch.”

              I giggled and Perry rolled his eyes.  “You’re lucky I’m grateful for all the help you were today, Gandhi,” Perry threatened.

              “I believe that’s called leverage,” Turk said, seeming quite proud of himself.

              “Quit messing with him,” Carla scolded him, though I could tell it was halfhearted.  “Just because you’re not an intern anymore doesn’t mean he won’t kick your ass.”

              “It’s true,” Perry confirmed.  “I’d still do it, intern or no.”

              “Remember that, though?” Elliot said wistfully.  “Our first year?  We thought we knew everything when really we were just clueless.”

              “I still feel that way sometimes,” I admitted sheepishly.  “Even after eight years.”

              Perry slid his arm around me even though both of us were disgusting and I leaned in closer to him, closing my eyes for a moment.  “I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, Newbie.  You’re an amazing doctor.  All of you are, with the exception of Carla, who’s smarter than us all.”

              “You got that right,” Carla agreed, sounding pleased.  “And don’t any of you forget it.”

              “I’m sorry, forgive me, but I’m just going to go ahead in bask in the glow of getting complimented by Dr. Cox,” Elliot said brightly. 

              “I told you, he’s just a big softie,” I said, nudging Perry even as I rested my head on his shoulder, growing tired.

              “And I told _you_ that you are _not_ to call me that in front of company,” Perry growled.  “Or at all, really.”

               “Fine,” I sighed, reaching up to kiss him softly.  “I’m sorry I ruined your tough-guy reputation.”

              “You are forgiven,” Perry said, smiling down at me.

              When I looked back at the rest of the group, Elliot was watching us with a strange expression.  I blushed, quieting for a moment.  Perry just rubbed my side as though it was the most natural thing in the world, which, really it was, completely oblivious to Elliot’s gaze.

              “How about some more beers?” I asked, pushing myself up off the couch.

              Carla and Keith declined, as they would be driving their significant others home soon, but Elliot followed me into the kitchen.  She hopped up on the island, watching me as I dug around in the cooler for four more bottles.

              “I don’t know if I just haven’t been paying attention or what it is, but you and Perry… you seem so relaxed, so happy,” Elliot said as I leaned up against the island next to her.

              “Elliot, I have literally never been so happy in my life,” I admitted, unable to keep from smiling.  “Even through this last week, which felt like it came straight from hell, I’m still so happy to be here, to be with him.  I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

              “You have no idea how happy _I_ am for you,” Elliot laughed.  “I just love watching Perry with you.  He’s so gentle, which is something I never thought I’d see from him.”

              “He’s amazing,” I said softly.  “He really is.  I know a lot of people thought I was crazy when I left Kim for Perry, but it’s been the best decision I ever made.  I – I have this family now that I never thought I’d have.  It’s been the craziest, most humbling thing and it’s really hard to explain, but when you and Keith get married and have kids, you’ll get it.”

              “I hope so,” Elliot agreed.  “And, JD, I’m glad you’re finally here.  You deserve it.”  She hopped down from the island and hugged me.

              “Come on, let’s go back out there before I start getting emotional.”

 

* * *

 

 

              “I am not getting in that bed until I shower,” I said, peeling off my t-shirt.  The others had left not ten minutes ago, but I was exhausted and couldn’t wait to crawl into bed next to Perry.  “I am _disgusting_.”

              Perry chuckled, joining me as I walked into our new master bath and continued undressing.  “I’m right there with you, kid.  It’s been a long day.”

              I nodded, reaching into the shower to turn the water on so it wasn’t ice cold when we stepped in.  “God, we are… we’re living in our new house.  Can you believe it?”

              “It’s pretty incredible,” Perry agreed, following me as I got into the shower, closing my eyes at the feel of the water.  Perry wrapped his arms around me from behind, bending slightly so he could rest his chin on my shoulder and sighing contentedly.

              I turned around in his arms, taking his face in my hands and kissing him deeply.  “I love you so much,” I whispered, my words getting lost in the sound of the falling water.

              “I love you, too,” Perry murmured.  I had a feeling he just knew what I was going to say.  I wasn’t that hard to predict anyway. 

              “We said we were going to fuck in every room on our first night in the new house,” I reminded Perry, laughing softly.  “I think I’m too tired for that, though.”

              “Doesn’t mean we can’t do something right now,” Perry breathed, his hand sliding down my side.  “Then we can _really_ get to work tomorrow.”

              I kissed him again, letting my right hand move down to his cock and give him a few firm strokes.  “Something nice and quick,” I agreed.  “Put me right to sleep.”

              Perry sucked in a breath, his own hand squeezing and stroking me.  “I have great ideas,” he huffed out, pulling me into another kiss. 

              “Always do,” I muttered, rolling my hips up into Perry’s hand.  It wasn’t going to take much tonight, of that much I was certain.  “Oh, Perry.”

              “Fuck, JD,” Perry gasped, moving his hand much faster. 

              I pulled him into a long, deep kiss as I matched his pace, whimpering into his mouth.  It never mattered what we did or how we did it.  Perry never failed to make me feel amazing, even when it was something as simple as a handjob.  It was the fact that it was _him_ , _his_ hand wrapped around my cock, his hips thrusting up into my grip, his soft moans and whispered words of encouragement.

              We were both tired, but the fact remained that we hadn’t done anything in over a week.  The stress of Perry’s promotion coupled with feverishly packing up the apartment meant that we hadn’t had a spare moment to even think about sex.  Now we had a whole day to ourselves tomorrow, and though we were supposed to spend it unpacking, I had a funny feeling we’d be spending more time on extracurricular activities.

              Perry twisted his wrist as he stroked me, his mouth dropping open against mine.  “Don’t stop, angel,” he choked out, his breath hitching.  He was close and so was I.  I liked when we finished together; it didn’t happen every time, but when it did, everything seemed enhanced.

              It wasn’t long before the end came, and when it did, it was intense.  I cried out, burying my face against Perry’s neck, with him just seconds behind me.  He groaned, the fingers of his free hand threading into my hair and pulling just slightly.  As the intensity subsided and the warmth of the afterglow took its place, my legs threatened to buckle.

              “Take me to bed,” I mumbled, still holding Perry close to me as the now-cool water flowed over us.

              “I don’t think this really counts as a shower,” Perry said softly, rubbing my back.  “However, I’m too tired to argue.  Come on.  Sleep.”


	5. It's Times Like These, I Can't Make It On My Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! So this chapter was both fun and a little heartbreaking to write. Poor JD probably feels like he's on an emotional ride of some sort...

              “This weekend went by too fast,” I complained over the sound of the shower.  I was doing my hair in the bathroom mirror while Perry showered before work.  “It doesn’t feel like we got anything done around the house.”

              “Oh, I got _plenty_ done around the house,” Perry said smugly as he stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist.

              I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help grinning at his innuendo.  It was true – we’d done very little unpacking and had a lot more sex than was strictly necessary.  I blushed some as I recalled one particularly memorable instance of Perry bending me over our dining room table.  “Guess the weekend wasn’t _all_ bad,” I replied, smiling as he leaned over to kiss my cheek.

              “Rest easy there, Newbie,” he said calmly, toweling off his hair, “the house’ll be in order before you know it.  What you’ve done already looks great.”

              “Oh, yeah, the dishes getting put in the kitchen cabinets really make it feel more open,” I said sarcastically, dodging the towel Perry tossed at me.

              “What was it you’ve said to me before?  One step at a time, is that right?”

              I sighed, knowing Perry was right and that my stress was unfounded.  “Since when did you become the king of serenity?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

              “Since you started rubbing off on me,” Perry said with a smirk.  “And despite my earlier comment, that was _not_ an innuendo.”

              I cracked a smile.  “Innuendo or not, I approve.  Now come on, I don’t want to be late.”

              “We won’t be late,” Perry assured me as he headed into the bedroom to dress.

              I took one last look in the mirror, satisfied with my hair, and followed Perry into the bedroom, perching on the edge of the bed as he pulled on his pants.  “You forget we now have a half-hour commute,” I reminded him.

              “I forget nothing, Newbie,” he said, leaning in to kiss me.  “I’ll be ready in just a minute.”

              “Mm,” I sighed, leaning back and watching Perry.  “Maybe being late wouldn’t be so bad.”

              Perry paused, fixing me with a hard stare.  “Don’t you dare start.  We can _not_ be late.”

              “I know, I know,” I said quickly.  “Maybe later we can find time for some supply closet nookie, you know, for old time’s sake.”

              “As much as I would love to throw you back on the bed and ravish you, I do, in fact, need to be on-time for work.  Come on, kiddo, car.”

              I grinned, pushing myself up off the bed.  “Yes, sir.”

 

* * *

 

 

              The first few hours of the morning flew by in a blur of codes and crashes and I didn’t have a single moment to spare until noon.  Already, I was exhausted and emotionally drained, but for Perry’s benefit, I was trying to stay positive.  I tried to shake off the stress of the day as I headed toward his office, but paused when I heard Kelso’s voice coming from the doctors’ lounge.  Today was the day he was supposed to meet with Perry; I had assumed they’d be in Perry’s office, but as I stepped into the lounge, I found that they were both seated on the couch, their backs to me.

              “You can’t be Chief without giving something up,” Kelso was saying.  Something about the way he said it made me feel uneasy.  I inched back towards the doorway, but couldn’t keep from wanting to hear the rest of the conversation.  Perry wouldn’t like me eavesdropping, but maybe something Kelso said would help me to help Perry.

              “Do you realize I have to do rounds, see patients, take care of my kids, make time for Newbie, plan a wedding, and somehow put a dent in all this bureaucratic nonsense?” Perry muttered.

              “You’re the Chief of Medicine,” Kelso said bluntly.  “You can’t keep doing all the things you used to do.  You have to let something go.  Just don’t drop the ball with Dr. Dorian.  That’s what I did with Enid and now we live in separate sides of the house.”

              “I _can_ do it all,” Perry maintained, sounding just as stubborn as always.  The pride I had in him warred with my apprehension that he was going to spread himself too thinly.

              I left the lounge, not wanting Perry to realize I’d overheard his conversation with Kelso.  Out of all the things he had listed, none of them seemed easy to give up.  Maybe he could pawn rounds off on another senior doctor, but it was one of his jobs as Chief to teach.  Seeing patients was Perry’s forte – perhaps he wasn’t the most personable, but he cared so intensely and was a brilliant doctor.  He’d never let his kids fall through the cracks, either, especially if Jordan had asked him to pick Jack up from school.  That left me, our wedding, and all the behind-the-scenes paperwork and red tape that was an inevitable part of being the Chief of Medicine.  I didn’t want to think about what might happen once Perry realized that as hard as he was trying, he really _couldn’t_ do it all.

              “Yo, JD!” Carla called from the nurses’ station, breaking me out of my thoughts.  “For some reason, there are three different shift schedules for the nurses floating around.  If Perry doesn’t put out a new one, he’s going to get every nurse showing up at the same time.”

              “I’m on it,” I promised her, sighing mentally.  Just one more thing for Perry to try and tackle.  “Just… take it easy on him, okay?  He’s having a hard time.”

              “I understand that, Bambi,” Carla said, filing away paperwork and tossing her hair over her shoulder.  “But this is one of those things that just _can’t_ fall through the cracks.  Make sure he knows that.”

              “Believe me, Carla, he knows,” I said tiredly, looking up just in time to see Perry look away from us and storm down the hall.  “Damn it.”

              I followed Perry back to his office, knowing that if I let him have time alone to dwell on what he would see as a failure, he’d just get more frustrated with himself.  I knocked lightly on the door and pushed it open.

              “Hey,” I murmured when Perry looked up, trying to push away the disappointment I felt when he didn’t smile at me.  “Can I come in?”

              “JD, I’m swamped,” Perry groaned.  “I don’t have time right now.”

              “I could try and ease the tension for a while,” I offered as I closed the door behind me, only half-joking.  I wasn’t above having sex in his office – in fact, I had been hoping for it – if it would make him feel better.

              Perry looked up at me, lines of anger and frustration settling into his face.  “You think I have time to fuck right now?” he asked bluntly.  “I can’t even catch up on the stuff I’m _supposed_ to be doing.”

              “It was a joke,” I said weakly, feeling much, much worse than just a few moments prior.  “I was just trying to make you smile, Per.”

              “You know what would make me smile?” Perry asked in a low voice.  “Being left alone long enough to get some goddamn _work_ done.”

              I backed slowly toward the door, feeling sick.  “You’re right,” I said quietly, turning away.  “I’m sorry.  I’ll – I’ll just go.”

              Perry sighed behind me as I turned away, pulling open the door.  “JD, hang on,” I heard him say, “I didn’t mean that.”  I left anyway. 

              Part of me expected him to follow me, but I knew better.  He was too stubborn, too proud, and far too busy to even think about me, about _us_.  I was doing my best to be understanding, to try and help Perry through what was clearly a difficult time for him, but he was making it _so_ hard.  I shouldn’t take things so personally, but it was hard not to when he so obviously was angry with me.  I hadn’t even tried to talk about the wedding – I was just offering to help him relax.  I had mistakenly thought even such a joke would have gotten him to lighten up, but it had had the opposite effect.  I was just putting my foot in my mouth at every turn.

              I managed to avoid Perry for the rest of the day, busying myself in my work.  I was sure he was doing the same, but just as I was leaving the locker room with my things, I ran into Turk.  It wasn’t as though I didn’t want to talk to my best friend, but I wanted to get home and wind down more.

              “Hey, man, Carla said you were in a funk today,” Turk said, catching me by the arm even as I tried to duck past him.

              “I’m fine,” I said quickly.  “Just tired is all.  It’s been a long day.”

              Turk paused, watching me with an expression that I knew meant he was not just looking at me, but looking _into_ me.  Sometimes – _most_ of the time – I was glad he knew me so well, but right now, I just wanted to be left alone.  “Tell me what’s going on,” he said simply.

              “Turk, I appreciate the concern, but I don’t really feel like diving in just now.”

              He paused again.  “Let me bring you home,” he offered.

              “It’s so out of your way,” I protested, but I realized that if Turk didn’t take me home, I’d be stuck in a car with Perry for a half an hour and just now, I couldn’t stomach that.  “But if you don’t have anything to do…”

              “I’ll meet you outside in a minute,” Turk said with a grin.  “I just have to go say bye to Carla.”

              I made my way down to the parking lot, unable to force a smile for the people I passed.  Leaning against the side of the building, my phone went off, signaling a text message. 

_Working late. Don’t wait up._

I shoved my phone back in my pocket, biting back the tears that suddenly burned at my eyes.  This was how it was going to be?  Perry working late and pushing me away?  How long could it last?  Before I could think any further, Turk was beside me, and I knew he could see my distress, but for once, he had the good sense not to push the issue.

              The ride back home was silent but for the sound of the tires on the road.  I could tell Turk wanted to talk, but didn’t know what to say.  He’d always been a little awkward when it came to dealing with my emotions, but for the most part, had done well enough when it really counted.  I invited him inside once we got to the house, feeling exhaustion settle in and by extension, my raw emotions.

              “Did you want to talk about it?” Turk asked when we were both seated on the couch.

              I looked away from him, feeling tears prickling behind me eyes again.  “I don’t know what I want,” I said quietly, trying to keep my voice from wavering.  “I don’t know what to _do_ , Turk.  It’s like everything I do, everything I say, he just pushes me away.  I don’t – I don’t know what he _wants_ from me, but I can’t keep dealing with him when he’s like this.”

              “I thought things were better,” Turk said slowly.  “He seemed great this weekend during the move, and he made it through his first week.”

              “Yeah, well, apparently this weekend was just a fluke, because as soon as we stepped foot into that damn hospital, it’s like a switch flipped,” I said thickly, not bothering to hold back the tears anymore.  I knew they’d probably make Turk uncomfortable – he didn’t know how to handle people when they cried – but if there was anyone I trusted, it was him.  “And I heard Kelso talking to him, saying Perry had to – had to give something up.  What if that something is _me_ , Turk?”

              “Dude, no way,” Turk said readily.  “Come on, Perry’s crazy about you.  It’s kind of intense, actually, how much he loves you.  I mean, you’re engaged!”

              I wiped my eyes, trying not to let out the sob that was building in my chest.  “I’m starting to think that doesn’t mean as much to him as it does to me,” I murmured.  “The last thing I want to do is doubt him, but what if this job destroys him?  He’s already so different…  We were so happy and then everything went downhill when he started as Chief.”

              “JD, have you talked to him about this?” Turk asked, raising his eyebrows.  “I know I’m one of the last people to suggest talking out problems, but it’s actually helped me and Carla.”

              “I’ve tried,” I sniffled.  “And he apologizes and he… he swears it won’t happen anymore, but it just… _does_.  And I don’t want him to think that I don’t believe in him, because I _do_ , but something has to change.”

              “Maybe that’s not the way to go about it, then,” Turk suggested.  “Perry’s always been a blunt, no-nonsense kind of guy.  Maybe you should just call him on his shit.  Yell if you have to, but get it out there.”

              I shook my head.  “I can’t do that to him and I don’t want to yell.  I want to talk like civilized people.  I just wish I could believe him when he says things’ll change.”

              Turk sighed, looking down at his lap as I wiped at my eyes again.  “All I can say is just give it time, JD.  I’m sure he feels bad about it and that he’ll apologize, but it’s still all a big transition for him.”

              “It’s a big transition for me, too,” I mumbled.  “I’m just tired.  So fucking tired.”

              “I know you are,” Turk said, patting my shoulder.  “Just hang on, all right?”

              I nodded, glad that I seemed to have finished crying, but slumping into the couch as the wave of exhaustion fell over me.  “I’m trying,” I said softly.  “Thanks, Turk.”

              I was grateful that Turk seemed to realize that was his dismissal.  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, patting my shoulder once again before he left. 

 

* * *

 

 

              The next thing I knew, I was being gently shaken awake.  “JD,” Perry murmured, kneeling in front of the couch as he brushed the hair off my forehead.  “Come on, come to bed.”

              I opened my eyes and looked blearily at him, disoriented for a moment before I realized I’d fallen asleep on the couch.  “Time is it?” I mumbled.

              “It’s just after ten.  Come on,” he said again, “you don’t have to sleep on the couch.”

              I felt a stab of sadness at his words, remembering that I’d been so angry with him, so hurt by what he’d said earlier.  “Are you sure you want me there?” I whispered, looking back at Perry with a vulnerable, wide-eyed expression.

              Perry swallowed hard before he spoke again.  “I’m really fucking up with you, aren’t I?” he breathed, sounding stricken.  “I – I know I am.  And I have a feeling that sorry isn’t going to cut it this time.”

              I pushed myself up, pulling a blanket from the back of the couch around my shoulders.  Perry moved up to sit next to me, his hands in his lap.  “I just wish you could see that I’m trying to _help_ you,” I finally said, looking down rather than at him.  “I told you, I’m on your side.  But, Perry, if you can’t find a better way to handle the stress…”

              “All my life, I’ve tried to prove that everyone was wrong about me,” Perry said after a long pause.  “I’ve been so afraid of failing, but Newbie, I don’t think I can do this.  I had my doubts when they offered me the job and I should have just listened to my gut… I’m not cut out to be Chief.”

              “I think you _can_ do it,” I said genuinely, “but you’re so inside your own head that you’re sabotaging yourself.  Take some time to really sit down and organize things, come up with a plan of attack, make a schedule.  There are things you can do to make yourself more successful, but instead you’re just frustrating yourself and getting more and more behind.  And in the mean time, you could delegate some stuff.  Let Carla work on the nurses’ schedule, let me handle patients.  It’s okay to need help, Perry.  How do you think we’ve all gotten to be where we are?”

              Perry ran his hands down his face.  “I know you’re right,” he sighed.  “I know it.  It feels like asking for help is admitting that I _can’t_ do it.”

              “No one else thinks that,” I said firmly.  “Really, Perry, all of us have your back, especially me.  Even after everything.”

              Perry looked over at me, hesitating for a moment before he took one of my hands in both of his and lifted it to his lips, kissing it softly.  “I’m so sorry,” he murmured.  “I know you’re tired of hearing it, of me having to say it, but damn it, JD, you’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me and I don’t want to screw it all up.”

              “I know,” I whispered, feeling the all-too familiar tears once again.  “You promised things were going to change.  I don’t know how much more of this I have in me.”

              “I did promise,” Perry agreed.  “And so far, I haven’t done a very good job of making good on that promise.  I know it’s a lot to ask, but don’t give up on me just yet, JD, please.  I can’t lose you in all of this.”

              I closed my eyes as I leaned into Perry’s side, feeling tears push themselves out from under my eyelids.  “I love you,” I whispered.  “I don’t want to lose you either.  I can’t.”

              “I love you,” Perry echoed, wrapping an arm around me.  “Jordan called me today, asked if I could pick Jack up from school tomorrow.  I told her I would.”

              “I can get him if you want,” I offered.  “You know, if you’re too busy.”

              “I was thinking you could hold down the fort while I went to get him,” Perry said quietly.  “I haven’t seen him in ages it seems.  I always trust your judgement when it comes to the patients.”

              “I can do that,” I said, nodding.  “Just let me know if you need something.”

              “Promise,” Perry said, resting his chin on my head.  “Thank you, JD, for being so patient with me.  I don’t always deserve it, deserve _you_ , but it means the world to me.”

              “You deserve me,” I reassured him.  “Even when things aren’t as good as we’d like them to be.  You always deserve me, Perry.”

              Perry didn’t reply and I knew he didn’t agree with me, but I wasn’t going to argue anymore tonight.  “Let’s go to bed,” he said, sitting forward.  “I think we’re both exhausted.”

              “You could say that again,” I mumbled, letting Perry pull me up off the couch and toward our bedroom.

  

* * *

 

 

              “My head hurts,” Perry groaned as I sat down across from him at our usual table in the cafeteria.  Carla was already there, along with Kelso, who was apparently in town for more than just a few days.  I suspected he missed the hospital more than he was willing to let on.

              “Well, you wouldn’t be so stressed out if you let people help you,” Carla said, brandishing her fork at him.  “Let me do the nurses’ schedule.”

              “I’ll think about it,” Perry muttered, staring resentfully at his sandwich.

              “Give him some time, Carla,” I said, a teasing edge to my voice.  “He likes to control _everything_.”

              “Oh good,” Perry said sarcastically, though there was just enough playfulness in his tone to let me know he wasn’t really upset.  “You’re here.”

              “I’m surprised he isn’t trying to control the words I say,” I continued on, a smirk playing on my lips.

              “I can control the words you say,” Perry disagreed.  “Say something ridiculous.”

              “I just –” I started, but he cut me off.

              “Ta-da!” Perry exclaimed.

              I rolled my eyes as I dove into my salad.  “Look, I’ve said this before,” Kelso interjected, nothing on his plate but several different types of muffins.  “You cannot be Chief of Medicine without giving something up.  I mean, why on earth are you still teaching interns?”

              “Because he loves teaching,” I said, the answer being completely obvious to me.  “He _needs_ to give up some of those patients.”

              “What he _needs_ to do,” Carla said, crossing her arms, “is give up some of the bureaucratic stuff.”

              “Would you all be quiet for _one_ second?” Perry said rather loudly, though he looked more tired than upset with us.  “If I need help, I will ask for it, per our agreement.  Right now, I am in control of everything.”

              Moments after Perry finished speaking, his phone rang.  I went on with eating my lunch, though Carla didn’t look fooled by his short speech. 

              “Jack?” Perry suddenly said, sounding worried.  My eyes went wide – he’d told me last night that he was supposed to be picking Jack up today.  Was it that time already?  “Shit!” Perry swore, hanging up his phone and tearing out of the cafeteria. 

              I hurried after him, my heart racing.  I didn’t know the details of the phone call, but if Perry had dropped the ball with Jack, nothing good would come of it.  I followed Perry out onto the exit ramp, breathless, when I saw Jordan and Jack sitting on the ledge.  Jack began to cheer and Perry stopped in his tracks.

              “I’m alive!” Jack cried, jumping up and down. 

              I didn’t miss the look of sheer relief on Perry’s face and the deep-set anxiety beneath it.  He scooped Jack up into his arms and held him for a moment as Jordan stood, looking a mixture of smug and amused.

              “The school called me as soon as they realized you weren’t coming,” Jordan said, her arms crossed as she looked up at Perry.  “He’s just fine.”

              “Jordan, I’m so sorry,” Perry sighed, letting Jack down as he was in no mood to be held.  I reached out my hand for him as we walked back inside.

              “Hey, buddy,” I said, trying to pay attention to him and listen to the conversation behind me.  “How was school today?”

              “Boring,” Jack answered, grinning back at his parents.

              “Boring?” I asked incredulously.  “That can’t be true.  What did you learn?”

              Jack shrugged, his brow furrowing just as his father’s often did.  I decided to leave it alone and focus instead on what Perry was saying to Jordan in hushed tones as we entered his office.  I took Jack over to the couch while Perry sat behind his desk and Jordan in the chair in front of it. 

              “Maybe they’re all right,” Perry muttered, shaking his head as he watched Jack and me.  “I have to give something up.”

              “Perry, they don’t know you like I do.  You’re not capable of giving up on anything you care about, whether it’s a patient or that never-ending quest of yours to get DJ to stop using that awful shampoo.”

              “I think I’m making headway on that,” Perry said, cracking a smile as he looked back at me.

              “Your hair smells like coconuts,” Jack said, pulling a face and gazing up at me from his spot on the couch.

              “My point is is that eventually, you’ll balance things out,” Jordan said wisely.  “Who cares if you can’t pick Jack up from preschool?  Just make sure you’re home in time for his bedtime stories when he’s with you guys.”

              “Guess that’s what really matters,” Perry said softly, looking back at us again as I tried to entertain Jack with my stethoscope.

              “It is,” Jordan agreed.  “I should get him home, though, and feed him.  I swear he eats twice as much as I do.”

              I grinned, standing and handing Jack off to Jordan.  “He’s just trying to get big and strong like his daddy,” I laughed, pleased when Perry smiled back at me.  “See you, little man.”

              “Bye, Jacky,” Perry said, waving back at his son.

              “I’ll drop him off at your place tonight,” Jordan called over her shoulder, leaving the two of us alone in Perry’s office.

              “You doing okay?” I asked, sitting down on edge of Perry’s desk.  “I know that freaked you out.”

              “I’m all right,” Perry said, taking a deep breath.  “Oddly enough, I feel a little better, I think, knowing that Jordan doesn’t expect the world from me.  If not picking Jack up is one less thing to put on my plate, that’ll help.  And maybe I can let Carla do the schedule.  She knows what she’s doing, after all.”

              “That’s right,” I said, encouraged by Perry’s change of heart.  “You can always check it over before she makes it official, but that’ll take a lot less time than actually putting together the schedule yourself.”

              Perry placed his hand on my leg and patted it gently.  “What would I do without you, kid?”

              I lifted his chin as I leaned in toward him for a soft kiss.  “You’d be lost, that’s what,” I teased.  “I’m really proud of you, Per.  You’re doing great today.”

              “Thanks, Newbie,” Perry said, resting his forehead against mine for a moment.

              “Don’t mention it.  You get settled here and the rest will come.  Now, I’m done in about an hour, so I’ll be home for when Jordan drops the kids off, and we can all hang out for a while and you can put them to bed.  It’ll be nice, having them for the first time since the move.  Too bad Kim’s visiting her mom with Sam or we’d have a full house.”

              “Either way sounds great,” Perry assured me.  “Go on, I’ll call when I’m on my way home.”

 

* * *

 

 

              Jack’s bedtime that night came and went, but Perry still hadn’t even called to let me know he was on his way.  I wasn’t angry with him; I knew full well that he wouldn’t stay if it wasn’t absolutely necessary and that he was most likely working on something important.  However, Jack was getting drowsy and after reading him five different bedtime books, I decided that waiting any longer would only result in a very cranky child the next morning.  I put him to bed and turned on his nightlight, leaving the door to his bedroom cracked open just slightly and went back downstairs with the baby monitor from Jennifer’s room in hand.  It wasn’t for another hour that Perry came rushing in the front door, looking like he’d run home instead of driven.

              “I’m too late, aren’t I?” he asked, and his tone broke my heart.

              “I’m sorry, Per,” I said regretfully, getting up off the couch.  “He was falling asleep.  I tried to wait as long as I could, but you can go up and check on him.”

              Perry sighed, walking up the stairs still wearing his jacket and shoes.  I followed him up, watching as he peered into Jack’s bedroom.  “Damn it,” he said under his breath.

              “Come on,” I murmured, taking his hand and leading him into the bedroom where I peeled off his jacket, setting it on the chair in the corner of the room.  “It’s okay.  You’ll try again tomorrow.”

              Perry said nothing in return, which I hoped was a product of exhaustion rather than him beating himself up.  I helped him strip down to his boxers and then wrapped my arms around him from behind, pressing soft kisses to his shoulder.  “You’ll get it eventually, Perry.  Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

              He turned around in my arms, taking my face in his hands.  “I don’t know how you’ve managed to be so patient with me,” he said quietly.

              “Perry, I’ve been putting up with you for almost eight years as a doctor,” I said with a smile.  “Granted, it’s a little less as your fiancé, but I know you can do this.  You’re strong and you’re determined and you’re _brilliant_.”

              “Stubborn, too,” Perry added, cracking a grin.  “Don’t forget stubborn.”

              I chuckled.  “Yes, you are.  But hey, I’m off tomorrow, so I can take care of getting Jack from school and that way you only have to worry about making it home in time for bed.”

              “I’ll be here,” Perry promised.  “And maybe after, you and I can have a nice dinner like we used to.  How does that sound?”

              “It sounds _perfect_.  Now come on, I want to cuddle.”

              “You always want to cuddle, JD,” Perry teased, though he didn’t put up a fight as I curled into him once we were in bed.

              “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”


	6. Someone Like You Makes It All Worthwhile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick update for you guys! This chapter is a little shorter than usual at about 3200 words, but I promise there are big things to come! Enjoy!

              My morning passed by uneventfully; I hadn’t even gotten to see Perry before he left for work, though I was grateful that I’d gotten sleep in for the first time in quite a while.  Once I woke up, I busied myself with a shower, breakfast, and then gradually continuing to unpack our things.  There were still boxes in every room, shoved out of the way, but they were starting to drive me crazy.  Besides, I liked having our pictures and decorations displayed.  They made the house feel more like a home.

              Not that I didn’t adore the place.  I really did.  And it was amazing having a place that Perry and I could call our own – a place that had a yard and a wraparound porch.  All that was missing was the white picket fence as far as I was concerned.  I could tell Perry was happy to have a house, too, having lived in his apartment long before I ever came along.  Our family had expanded so much so that it warranted having a bigger living space and this way, our kids could grow up together in our home.

              The first collection of boxes I decided to tackle were the ones in the living room that contained our pictures.  There were ones of me and of Perry, plenty of the kids, and even a few of our friends.  My favorites were the candid shots, the ones that weren’t planned.  One in particular had been taken when a group of us went out to the bar and unbeknownst to us, Elliot had asked the bartender to take a picture of us.  Perry was looking at me rather than at the camera, the look on his face one that he usually reserved for when we were in private.  His eyes alone spoke of the love he felt for me and each time I looked at it, my heart swelled with affection for him.

              I checked the time, finding I still had a couple hours before I had to pick Jack up from preschool.  The pictures that belonged in the living room were all strategically placed in what I considered a _genius_ arrangement that Perry had better comment on later that night.  I decided to head into the city to check on Perry and see if he needed anything.  I figured it was better to try and visit him on a day I wasn’t working in case he _did_ get upset with me again I wouldn’t have to mope around the hospital for the rest of the day.  I was feeling more optimistic today, though, and had a good feeling about going to see him.

              When I got to the hospital, I went straight up to Perry’s office and knocked a few times, choosing to wait for him to answer.  Just a few moments later, I heard him call out, “Come in!”

              I smiled to myself as I slipped inside, shutting and locking the door behind me.  “Hey,” I said, leaning back against the door, fully aware that I was wearing the jeans that Perry liked best on me. 

              Perry looked up from his computer and grinned, his eyes very obviously looking me up and down.  “Hey there,” he replied, standing up and walking over to me.  His hands moved instantly to my waist as he kissed me in greeting.  I was pleased that my good feeling seemed to have been spot on.  “Missed you this morning.”

              “I missed you too,” I replied, winding my arms around Perry’s neck.  “It was a little weird waking up to an empty bed.”

              “Didn’t have the heart to wake you,” Perry said apologetically, his hands dipping a little lower on my waist.

              I grinned up at him.  “I locked the door, you know,” was all I said.

              That was all it took for Perry to pull me into a deep, searing kiss, pulling me tight against him with his hands on my ass.  “You wore these on purpose,” he accused in a low voice, not sounding disappointed in the least.

              “I’m not saying you’re wrong,” I said with a smirk, threading my fingers into Perry’s hair as I kissed him again, long and hard.  “God, I’ve missed you.”

              “Lucky for you, today’s been going well,” Perry said teasingly, kissing down my neck.  “It appears I have some free time…”

              “Fuck me?” I asked coyly, running my hands down Perry’s chest as I looked up at him.  “It’s possible that I have lube in my bag.”

              “Possible, huh?” Perry purred, squeezing my ass.  “You were planning on this, then?”

              “Not so much planning as – as _hoping_ ,” I gasped when Perry ground against me.  I could feel his arousal against my own, feel the heat he was radiating.  If the look in his eyes told me anything it was that he wanted me just a badly as I wanted him.  I dropped my bag on the floor and dug around in it, quickly coming up with a travel-sized bottle of lube, and pressed it into Perry’s hand.  “Your move, babe.”

              It turned out Perry’s move was to slip the bottle into the pocket of his lab coat and then bend down slightly to lift me up into his arms.  “I believe I do still have _some_ moves,” he said cheekily, carrying me over to his desk and setting me down on it.

              “Mm, desk sex,” I said appreciatively, pulling him down for another kiss.  “I’ve been waiting for this since you got your own office.”

              “I bet you have,” Perry breathed, kissing along my jaw as his hands moved to the front of my jeans, swiftly unbuttoning and unzipping them.  “These pants are so goddamn tight you’re going to have to take them off yourself,” he muttered, already moving to drop his own pants and boxers, letting them pool around his ankles as he reached for the lube in his pocket.

              My mouth watered as I watched him uncap the bottle and squeeze a good amount into his hand, which he then wrapped around his cock, stroking himself slowly, almost lazily.  My own cock twitched in anticipation as I finally kicked off my shoes and pants.  “You gonna bend me over the desk?” I asked, sounding as breathless as I felt.

              “No,” Perry said firmly, lifting me back up onto the desk and pushing down on my chest until I was lying flat on my back.  He stepped forward, in between my legs, so closely that his cock brushed against my own and I had to hold back a moan.  “I want to see your face when I make you come.”

              My hips bucked up at his words, in search of friction, but he’d already stepped back, bringing his hand between my legs to rub at my entrance with slick fingers.  “Oh,” I whimpered, closing my eyes.  “Fuck, don’t take too long, okay?  Want you in me, filling me…”

              Perry grunted, sliding one finger all the way into me.  I met him with no resistance, breathy noises making their way out of my mouth rather than full-on moaning.  I figured the rest of the floor wouldn’t appreciate hearing me beg Perry to fuck me.  Soon after, Perry slid in a second finger, easily finding my prostate.  That time, I couldn’t quite hold back a low moan, gripping the sides of the desk as I writhed atop it.  “Don’t make me wait,” I whined, my hips rolling up in rhythm with Perry’s ministrations.  “Please, Perry, I’m stretched, I’m ready – fuck, I’m so ready.”

              Perry’s fingers slipped out of me and I sat up on my elbows, watching as he took his cock in hand, giving it a few firm strokes before guiding it into me.  I moaned again, trying my best to keep quiet, as Perry slowly slid into me, filling me, stretching me.  He gripped my thighs, pulling me closer to him.  “Fuck, JD,” he breathed, looking down at me in adoration.  For a moment, neither of us moved as I adjusted to the feeling of him buried inside me.  When I was ready, I tightened my muscles around him, clamping down around his cock suddenly, and then gradually relaxed, loving the look of sheer wanton pleasure that swept over his face.

              I wrapped my legs around his chest, drawing him in even further as he leaned forward, bracing himself with his hands flat on the desk.  My cock twitched in anticipation and I locked eyes with him, watching the lust and love in his expression war with each other as he slowly slid out of me only to thrust back in, making my back arch.  I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out, the sensation immense.  I had never been much good at staying quiet, even when we were still hiding out in supply closets every spare moment we had. 

              “Fuck me,” I groaned, letting my head fall back to the desk, my eyes fluttering shut as Perry gave another hard thrust. 

              “So fucking gorgeous,” Perry said under his breath, really starting to pick up the pace.  “And all mine.”

              “All yours,” came my gasped reply as I lifted a hand to wrap around my cock, stroking rapidly.  “Forever.”

              My response seemed to spur Perry on and he straightened up, gripping my hips to give himself more leverage as he set an even faster pace.  Every other thrust or so, his cock brushed up against my prostate, making me whimper and my legs start to shake.  The end was coming quickly, and he and I both knew it. 

              “Say it again,” Perry choked out as I forced my eyes open to look up at him.  “Say you’re mine.”

              “I’m yours,” I said without hesitation amidst my gasps and moans.  “And – _fuck_ – and you’re mine.”

              “Yours,” Perry grunted, a sheen of sweat breaking out over both of us.  “’M gonna come.”

              I moaned again, knowing I was just as close as he was, but I wanted to feel him first.  “Do it,” I said in a huff of air, holding onto the desk with my free hand so tightly my knuckles had turned white.  “Come in me, Perry, want to feel you.”

              Perry barely lasted two more thrusts after that, his eyes shutting tightly as he finished.  The sheer sensation of feeling him spasm inside me, his cock twitching with the intensity of his climax, had me falling over the edge, stroking myself and crying out as I followed just behind him, covering my stomach in pulse after pulse.

              I kept my eyes closed as I slowly came back to myself, my breathing evening out.  I whimpered as Perry slid out of me, hearing him sigh softly.  I looked over at him, seeing him reach for a tissue to clean me up, and I was grateful my shirt had ridden up some since I hadn’t brought anything to change into.  When Perry finished, I sat up, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him in for a long, languid kiss. 

              “God, I fucking love you,” he whispered, resting his forehead against mine.

              “So much,” I murmured, running my hands over his shoulders and down his arms.  “That was the best one in a while.”

              “And that’s saying something,” Perry said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.  “Thanks for coming in on your day off.”

              “I had to come into the city anyway,” I reminded him, my eyes closing again as he held me.  God, I loved his arms around me.  “Gotta get Jack, remember?”

              “I remember,” Perry assured me.  “Just nice to see you is all.”

              Leaning forward, I kissed Perry once again before I pulled back to look at him.  “So your day is going better?”

              “Much,” Perry said genuinely.  “I – I finally feel like I’m getting a handle on things.  I told Carla she can do the nursing schedule and I’m appointing a new Chief of Surgery, so that should help on that front.  Things actually feel like they’re falling into place.”

              “That’s fantastic,” I gushed.  “Perry, seriously, I’m so proud of you.  I know this job has been really hard on you, but you’re doing great.”

              “I think I might actually believe you now,” Perry chuckled, bending down to pull up his pants and handing me my own.

              I hopped down off the desk and pulled them on, along with my shoes, as Perry walked back over to sit in his chair. 

              “I do love those jeans,” he remarked, still smirking at me when I looked up at him.

              “Could you _be_ more of an ass man?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

              “Nah, I think I’ve reached max capacity,” Perry teased.  “Come here.”

              I walked around Perry’s desk and he pulled me down into his lap.  “I still want to have that nice dinner I was talking about,” he said, running his hand through my hair.  “We’ll put the kids to bed and have the house to ourselves.”

              “When is Jordan bringing Jennifer back over?” I asked, knowing that Jordan had picked up her daughter early for an appointment with Jennifer’s pediatrician.

              “I was actually going to just pick her up on my way home,” Perry told me.  “Jordan’s leaving early tomorrow for an extended visit with her mother, the dragon.”

              I rolled my eyes.  “That’ll be fun, though.  Kim comes home tomorrow and we get Sammy for the rest of the week.  I can’t wait.”

              “The kids are going to love that house,” Perry said, smiling softly.  “And the yard… I know I shouldn’t be in a hurry for them to grow up, but I can’t wait to see them running around out there.”

              “Me neither,” I said happily, resting my head against Perry’s.  “How long until I have to go get Jack?”

              Perry glanced down at his watch.  “Ten more minutes,” he said, wrapping his arm back around me.

              “Now you sound like me in the morning,” I commented, closing my eyes.

             

* * *

 

 

              The rest of my afternoon passed quickly.  Jack and I spent plenty of time playing outside in the backyard and then lying in the grass when we were both too tired to keep running around.  I asked him what sorts of shapes he saw in the clouds and he told me there were dragons and dinosaurs and a ship.  He was full of laughter and delivered some of the funniest phrases in a way that only a kid could.  It made me look forward to when Sam would start talking.  He was already developing his own personality, but he was still a baby.  If he was anything like Jack, I was certain there’d never be another dull moment in my life.

              Perry arrived home that evening right on time, Jennifer in his arms.  “Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted me, kissing me just as Jack ran down from his bedroom in his pajamas.  “And hello to you, too,” he laughed.

              “I thought I told you to stay in bed, mister,” I said in mock disapproval as I took Jennifer from Perry so he could pick Jack up.

              “I think I can make a one-time exception,” Perry chuckled.  “Why don’t you run back upstairs and pick out a few books and we can have storytime before bed?”

              Jack cheered and squirmed down from Perry’s grip, dashing back up the stairs.  “I can’t believe he hasn’t passed out yet,” I told Perry, gently rocking Jennifer back and forth.  “We had quite the day, you know.”

              “Is that so?” Perry asked, putting a hand on the small of my back as he led me toward the stairs.  “You’ll have to tell me all about it over dinner, which, by the way, is by the front door.”

              “What’d you pick up?” I asked curiously.

              “Only the best Chinese takeout for my love.”

              I blushed a little at the pet name – it wasn’t one I had heard from Perry before.  “I’m gonna go put Jennifer down,” I told him, leaning in for a quick kiss, “and then I’ll be in by Jack.”

             

* * *

 

 

              “You know, when you said a nice dinner, I was thinking steak or maybe some kind of pasta,” I said between bites of my rice, “but I have to say, I think this is even better.”

              “I had a feeling you’d approve,” Perry said, patting my leg.  He ate his takeout with chopsticks, which I had unsurprisingly never been able to master, though he made it look effortless.  “I do think that this really _is_ the best takeout around.”

              “I definitely won’t argue with that,” I agreed.  “I’m already stuffed.  I know what I’m having for lunch tomorrow, though.”

              “I enjoyed today’s lunch,” Perry remarked, winking over at me.

              “Me too,” I said, sighing contentedly as I leaned back into the couch.  “That was really good, Per.”

              “Guess it was a little something to say how much I appreciate you and all the patience you’ve had lately,” he said, setting his food down on the coffee table and taking my hand.  “And I would _love_ to look at that wedding binder Elliot put together for us if you have it handy.”

              “Are you kidding?” I asked, springing up off the couch.  “There was no way I was gonna put that in a box.  I have it in our room.  Give me, like, two seconds.”  I made to go toward our room, but paused when I heard Jennifer crying on the baby monitor.  “I’ll take care of her,” I assured Perry, changing direction and heading up the stairs.

              After changing her and being unsuccessful at getting her to stop crying, I sank into the rocking chair in Jennifer’s room, holding her to my chest as I rocked her forward and back, talking softly to her.  I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but eventually Perry walked up, leaning against the doorway. 

              “Thought maybe you got lost,” he murmured.  Jennifer had stopped crying, but wasn’t asleep yet.

              “Not lost,” I assured Perry, smiling up at him.  “Someone was just a little cranky.”

              “Just like her father,” Perry joked.  “Well, this one, anyway.”

              I blinked at him, realizing what he’d meant.  “You… I…,” I said lamely, quickly becoming choked up.

              “I don’t see the point in Jack calling you ‘JD’ forever,” Perry continued.  “And we’re getting married.  You’re their father, too.”

              I nodded, knowing that if I spoke, my voice would break.  I looked down at Jennifer, who now seemed to have fallen asleep.  Carefully, I stood, and placed her in her crib, watching her for a little longer before I deemed it safe to leave.  I walked back over to Perry and pulled him into a tight hug.  “I love you,” I whispered.  “Thank you.”

              Perry led me out into the hall, closing Jennifer’s door most of the way before he hugged me again, kissing the top of my head.  “JD, I fully intend on spending the rest of my life with you, which means you’re going to be a part of my kids’ lives, too.  I love you and Sam just as much as I love my own kids, which means that you’re as much their father as I am.”

              “It makes all the sense in the world,” I said, swallowing hard.  “I guess it’s just really nice to hear, you know?  I love Jack and Jennifer like they’re my own, too.  I’ll always take care of them, Perry.  Always.”


	7. When the Tears You Cry Are All You Can Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry

              I woke up feeling like I was on cloud nine.  The previous day had been so satisfying that between Perry explicitly saying he thought of me as Jack’s and Jennifer’s father and our ridiculous dinner of Chinese takeout, I had a good feeling that things were on the upswing.  Perry even kissed me goodbye before he left for work, taking the kids with him and dropping them off with Jordan.  I was looking forward to the end of my shift tonight because Kim would be bringing Sam over and he’d be all ours for the rest of the week.

              However, my happiness was short-lived.  When I got to work and stepped into the ICU, I was greeted by sheer chaos.  I saw Carla approaching me from down the hall and I swallowed, wondering if I had done something wrong.

              “The computers are down,” she snapped, looking more frazzled than I’d ever seen her, “so we can’t get at patient records through the system.  Perry’s been locked up in his office all day and won’t even let _me_ in, but I hear the budget problems are getting worse.  And don’t even get me _started_ on your patient Mr. Vaughn.  They’re discharging him because his insurance won’t cover his stay.”

              My head was spinning by the time Carla finished, and my heart went out to Perry’s troubles, but Mr. Vaughn was my priority.  “How can they do that to him?” I asked, affronted.  “He’s not well enough to go home and he doesn’t have anyone to give him the care he needs!  He’ll just end up right back in here… or worse.”

              “You and I know that, Bambi,” Carla sighed, touching my arm, "but I guess that doesn’t always matter.”

              “D-doesn’t always matter?  Carla, it _has_ to matter!  The patients _have_ to matter!  That’s the whole reason I became a doctor!”  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing from Carla of all people.  “No, this can’t happen.  Mr. Vaughn has to stay.  I’ll – I’ll just go talk to Perry, and he’ll understand where I’m coming from – he has to – and he’ll pull whatever strings he can and Mr. Vaughn will get the care he needs.”

              Carla looked at me for a long moment.  “I really hope that’s what happens,” she said cryptically before turning away, striding back toward the nurses’ station. 

              I wasn’t sure what to make of her response, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it.  I headed straight for Mr. Vaughn’s room.  “Mr. Vaughn,” I said in greeting, “I just want you to know that I’m going to make sure you’re here as long as you need to be, all right?”

              “Thank you, Dr. Dorian,” he said, seeming relieved.  “You’ve already done so much for me.”

              “As your doctor, it’s my job to make sure you’re taken care of,” I told him, glancing at his chart and noting the only marginal improvement in his vitals.  “I don’t care what your insurance says.  You deserve the care you need.”

              Mr. Vaughn nodded, smiling at me from his hospital bed.  He was a good man and he deserved someone fighting for him.  That meant my next stop had to be Perry’s office.  Unfortunately, my interns had other ideas.

              “Dr. Dorian!” Sunny called, waving me over from the other end of the ICU. 

              I took a deep breath and walked over to her.  “What is it?” I asked, knowing I was less than my usual self, which was why she blinked at me for a moment before she spoke next.

              “I – I was just wondering how much Tylenol you wanted me to give Mrs. Keller,” Sunny said, quickly regaining her usual demeanor.

              I stared at her, trying to decipher whether or not she was serious.  “I – Sunny, it’s _regular-strength Tylenol_ ,” I said slowly. 

              “I know that,” she said, waving her hands at me, “but the computers are down and I can’t double-check your orders, so…”

              “It’s on her chart!” I said in exasperation.  “Just… figure it out, Sunny.  I don’t have time for this today.”  I stormed away from her, successfully dodging any other interruptions on the way to Perry’s office.  I had become even more frustrated on the way there, but that didn’t even compare to finding the door was locked.  “Perry!” I called, knocking on the door rather insistently.  “Let me in!”

              It took about a minute and some shuffling around inside the office for Perry to unlock the door and open it.  “What the hell are you doing, locking your office?” I asked, my brows furrowing at him.

              “Don’t,” Perry muttered, turning away and walking back to his desk.  “I have a thousand and one things to do and the last thing I need is a lecture from you.  The board has been breathing down my neck all day about this damned budget, IT’s working on the computer issue, but it’s just making everything worse.”

              “Good thing I didn’t come to lecture you then,” I said flatly, crossing my arms and moving to stand in front of his desk.  “And actually, this shouldn’t take long.  I need you to stop Mr. Vaughn’s discharge.  His insurance isn’t covering his stay, but he’s not ready to go home yet.”

              “No can do, Newbie,” Perry said without looking up, scratching something out on a paper.

              “E-Excuse me?” I asked, raising m eyebrows at him.  “’No can do’?  What the hell does that mean?”

              Perry slammed down his pen and finally looked up at me.  “I can’t override every little decision for you, JD!  If he’s being released, he’s being released!  As if I don’t have enough on my plate today, you decided to come ask me for a _favor_?”

              “What happened to fighting for what’s best for the patients?” I countered.  “That’s what you’re supposed to do!  It’s what you’ve always done!  What changed?”

              “Jesus Christ, do you think I’ve forgotten what it means to be a doctor?  You know damned well that I’m cut off my so much red tape here that I cannot – _cannot, JD_ – do this!  This isn’t personal, it’s business!  And you _know_ we’re already having budget problems!  We can’t afford to take the hit for a patient with bad insurance!”

              I scoffed, turning my face away from him.  “Sounding more like Kelso every second,” I said under my breath.

              Perry’s face went bright red and a vein started jumping in his neck.  “You arrogant, pretentious, self-righteous jackass,” he said in a low voice.  “Get the hell out of my office.”

              I shrank back, feeling as though I’d just been slapped.  I knew I shouldn’t have compared him to Kelso, but he’d been the one who said it wasn’t personal when it very clearly was.  “Fine,” I whispered, my jaw set.  “Good luck with the budget.”  I hoped he understood that when I walked out of his office, I didn’t plan on coming back.

              No more than two hours later did I have to stand at the nurses’ station and watch as an orderly wheeled Mr. Vaughn out of his room.  I shot him an apologetic look, knowing I had tried my hardest to make it so he could stay longer.  Once that was no longer an option, I had explained it to him, though not in as much detail as it had happened, and told him the steps he needed to take to ensure his condition didn’t worsen.  My mood only plummeted from there.  The disappointed look on Mr. Vaughn’s face hadn’t helped.

 

* * *

 

 

              The end of my shift couldn’t have come fast enough.  I stopped at the house, knowing Perry was working late, and packed a bag.  There was no way I was spending another night there.  I couldn’t, given the things he’d said to me today.  With the bag in my passenger seat, I headed over to Kim’s to pick up Sammy.  I didn’t feel like giving her the whole story, so I told her that I was staying with Elliot for a few days.  Which reminded me, I had to actually call Elliot and ask if that was okay.  Thankfully, she was more than welcoming when I called her and told her I was on my way to her place.  She even came out to the car and took my bag while I carried Sam inside.

              “So,” Elliot said slowly, sitting down on the couch beside me, “do you want to talk about it?”

              “Not at all,” I said, fixing her with a look that said I would not be swayed.  “No.  I just want to spend the night with my son.”

              Elliot gave me a sad smile and patted my shoulder.  “I’m going to head to bed,” she told me.  “I work early.  You can stay here as long as you need, JD.  You and Sam.  I have that pack-n-play here for him for when you let me babysit, and some extra diapers and onesies.”

              “Thanks, Elliot,” I said, managing what I hoped look like a smile in return.  “I really appreciate it.”

              “Don’t mention it, JD,” she said warmly.  She waved at Sammy before she left the living room, walking down the hall to her bedroom.

              I leaned back against the couch, holding Sam against my chest, and closed my eyes.  What was I supposed to do now?  I couldn’t help but feel hopeless at the state of my relationship with Perry.  Things had gone so badly so fast…  And the thought that we might be done tore my heart in two.  So much of me wanted to keep trying, wanted to work on us, but there was a continuous doubt in my head telling me that I couldn’t change Perry no matter how hard I tried. 

              “What am I supposed to do, Sammy?” I murmured, looking down at his sleeping form.

              He didn’t have an answer for me, but before I could try and solve the problem myself, my phone buzzed beside me.  I looked down at it, seeing Perry’s contact picture light up the screen.  I didn’t want to talk to him, but ignoring him wasn’t the answer.  I finally picked up, putting the phone to my ear. 

              “JD, look, I’m sorry for the things I said today,” Perry said before I could even say hello. 

              I closed my eyes again, swallowing against the angry, hurt tears that threatened to flow.  “Are you?” I asked quietly.  “Because it seems like you didn’t have to think too much about the insults you threw at me.  Thought maybe we’d regressed to when I was an intern.”

              “Come on, you _know_ I didn’t mean any of that.  I was just frustrated and – and stressed – and –”

              “You know what, I don’t really have time to listen to more excuses right now, Perry,” I said emotionlessly.  “I’m staying with Elliot and I don’t want to spend the night fighting with you over the phone.”

              “JD,” Perry said insistently, “we _need_ to talk about this.  I’m not trying to fight with you.  I mean, Jesus, I got home and you – you weren’t even here!”

              “I said no.  I’m not doing this now and I’m not doing it over the phone at _all._ Cool down.  I’ll talk to you later.”

              “I don’t want to leave things like this,” Perry sighed.  “Can’t you just _listen_ to me for once?”

              “Oh, because I never listen to you?” I said incredulously.  “Perry, I listen to you all the time!  That’s all I’ve done since I started at Sacred Heart!”

              There was a very long silence between us until Perry finally spoke.  “Can we talk tomorrow then?”  He sounded so tired, but at the moment, I found it hard to care.

              “Fine,” I muttered and then hung up.  Somehow, Sam slept on.

 

* * *

 

 

              I had never been more grateful for a day off in my life, yet I still found myself at the hospital early that next day, leaning against the building and waiting for Perry to pull up.  Elliot had a later shift and had agreed to watch Sam for me while I did what needed to be done.  I stared up at the sky, full of dark clouds that threatened a storm any moment.  It figured.  Just as Perry pulled into his usual parking spot, the rain began.  I didn’t really believe in omens, but if there ever was one, this was it.  Before Perry could even get out of the car, I walked over the passenger side and slipped inside.

              I stared at my lap, not wanting to meet his eyes, though I could tell he was watching me rather intently.  I took a deep breath to steady myself and began.  “Perry, I think we both know that this isn’t working,” I said, subdued.

              “I want it to,” Perry said readily.  “JD, I want this to work more than anything.  You know that.”

              “I do.  I know,” I whispered, unable to stop my voice from shaking.  I reached out for Perry’s hand over the center console, not bothering to stop the tears that would inevitably fall.  “We both do, but we can’t force something that isn’t meant to be.  If anything has told me that, it’s been this past month.  I think we need to take a step back… a break.”

              “A break?” Perry repeated, sounding desperate.  “Come on, sweetheart, don’t talk like that.  We can do this.  We just bought a house, we’re getting _married_!”

              “We can’t get married like this, Perry,” I sniffled.  “You know it, I know it… anyone who’s seen us over the last few weeks knows it.  Please, don’t make this any harder than it needs to be.  I’ll keep paying you for the house and – and maybe somewhere down the road we can try again, but right now, I just can’t do this.  I’ve been so miserable and so have you.  And the kids deserve so much better than that.  So do we.  Believe me, this breaks my heart to have to say this.  I… god, Perry, I love you so much…”

              “Then don’t leave,” Perry begged, taking my hand in both of his.  “I’ll do whatever you need me to do.  Things will change, I swear.”

              I leaned over and kissed Perry’s cheek, my tears now falling hot and fast.  “I’ll get the rest of my things today.”  Before he could say anything else, I slipped out of the car and walked over to my own, through the rain, and cried with my head against the steering wheel, long and hard.


	8. I Got Half a Mind to Scream Out Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry... again?  
> also this chapter is a bit short, but the next one will be a doozy, i swear.

              From the hospital, I went to the house – I didn’t even feel right calling it _my_ house anymore – and began putting my things in boxes.  We had just moved in and now I was moving out.  The idea of leaving Perry, of not falling asleep and waking up next to him, weighed heavily on my heart, and with each item I placed in a box, the harder it became.  I couldn’t take all my things, at least not by myself, and I had to keep an eye on the clock so I could get back to Elliot’s in time for her to go to work.  The hardest part was when I got to the living room and saw the photos of our family – a family that might never come to be.  Perry had just told me I was also a father to his kids, kids that I had already considered my own and had bonded with, and here I was… leaving.

              My heart felt as though it was being torn in two, but I convinced myself that I was making the right decision, at least for now.  I didn’t want our separation to be permanent, but until we were in a better place, both professionally and emotionally, I couldn’t try again.  Letting my guard down meant I was setting myself up to get hurt again and I was too exhausted for that, not to mention that our kids deserved better than to have someone coming in and out of their life all the time.  Regardless of knowing that I was putting our kids – and our emotional well-being – first, this was still the hardest thing I had ever done.

              I took a deep breath to steady myself as I placed the pictures that belonged to me in a box, silent tears rolling down my cheeks.  From the moment Perry told me he loved me – and even before that, probably – I had envisioned us spending the rest of our lives together.  And never for a second had I _doubted_ that Perry loved me just as much as I loved him.  But love wasn’t always enough, it seemed.

              “Please don’t,” said a voice from behind me.

              I closed my eyes, my shoulders slumping.  Of course Perry’d come home to try and stop me from leaving.  “Don’t you have a budget to fix?” I said thickly, wiping at my eyes before I turned around to face him.  There was no malice in my voice – just a sad resignation.

              “The budget’s not as important as our relationship,” he said, standing in the doorway in his lab coat.  “As far as the board knows, I’m out on lunch.”

              I shook my head, placing another photo in the box.  “Perry, please,” I said weakly, hoisting the box up off the floor.  “I – I can’t do this.  I meant what I said earlier.  I love you.  I do.  But –”

              “Why does there have to be a but?” Perry asked, crossing the room toward me.  “We can work on things, JD.  We _have_ to.”

              “There has to be a but because of the last three weeks!” I said, desperate to make Perry understand how I was feeling.  “Most nights I can’t fall asleep because I’m worried about how you’ll be the next day.  This job is _ruining_ you, Perry, can’t you see that?”

              “I thought you supported me,” Perry said slowly, narrowing his eyes at me.  “You’re the one who convinced me to take the job in the first place!”

              “I know that,” I sobbed.  “I believed in you!  I still do.  But _I_ can’t do this anymore, the fighting and the name-calling and the _anger_!  And every time – every _time_ , Perry – you swear that it’s the last time, that things will change, but they never do!  Until you figure out how to balance work and family, I have to step back otherwise I’m going to end up resenting you and I don’t want to get to that point.  Can’t you understand that?”

              “JD, I know I’ve messed up,” Perry said, looking pained.  “Believe me, I know, but it can’t end like this.  I won’t let it happen.”

              “That’s just it, isn’t it?” I said through my tears, not bothering to wipe them away.  “You think you can control everything, everyone.  You have to let go, let _me_ go.  I don’t want this to be it for us, but unless things change, it will be.  And I love you too much to ask you to change for me right now.  I know it won’t happen, that it _can’t_ , but if it does someday, I’ll be here.”

              Perry’s face fell, but he quickly fixed his expression, covering the hurt with impassivity.  “Fine,” he said quietly.  “You know, if you didn’t want to stick around to work through this with me, to stand by me, you could have just said so.”

              “Perry, don’t –”

              “I’ll leave so you can get the rest of your things,” he said, cutting me off as fresh tears sprang into my eyes.

              “Perry, wait” I said quickly, stepping up to him. 

              He paused, waiting for me to continue.

              “Here,” I murmured, sliding my engagement ring off my finger and holding it out for him.  “I don’t feel right keeping it.”

              I watched a flash of pain cross Perry’s face as he looked at me and then at the ring.  Silently, he took the ring from me and turned away.  “I’ll see you,” he said gruffly, walking quickly out of the room.  Moments later, I heard the front door slam.

 

* * *

 

 

              After I got back to Elliot’s, I carried in some of my boxes – ones that contained things that weren’t vital to day-to-day life stayed in my car – but I didn’t miss the look of pity on Elliot’s face.  I must have looked worse than I initially thought. 

              “You okay?” Elliot asked gently when I sank down into the arm chair beside the couch. 

              “Not at all,” I mumbled, wrapping my arms around myself.  I had hoped I was all cried out, but I instantly felt vulnerable once again just thinking about the look on Perry’s face as I’d left.  My leaving had hurt him just as much as it’d hurt me when he started pushing me away.  “I don’t know how I’m supposed to get over him, Elliot.”

              “It’ll take some time,” Elliot said, scooting closer to me.  “You love each other, JD, despite everything.  That doesn’t just go away.”

              “What do I do at work?” I asked in a small voice.  “We’re still going to see each other every day.  It’ll be so awkward…”

              “Yeah, it probably will be,” Elliot said frankly.  “At least at first.  But you’ll figure it out, how to be professional and civil.  Maybe that will help.”

              I sighed, looking over at Sam, napping in the pack-n-play.  “Maybe,” I said quietly.  Elliot’s perspective didn’t help me to feel any less like part of me had died.

  

* * *

 

 

              When I went in for my shift the next day, my only goal was to avoid Perry as much as possible while still adequately caring for my patients.  Though I didn’t wear my ring at work anyway, my hand felt lighter somehow, like the ring had been a part of me that was now missing.  Elliot was the only person who knew about our breakup – I hadn’t even told Turk or Carla – but it became immediately clear just how observant Carla was.

              “What’s going on with you and Perry?” she asked me while we were working on a patient.

              I glanced over at her and shook my head.  “Not now, Carla,” I said firmly.  I wasn’t sure why I was keeping it a secret from her other than the wound being so fresh.  I could have just as easily gone to Turk and Carla’s place, but Elliot seemed like the safer option for whatever reason.  And I didn’t want to discuss a breakup that was still so painful.

              Thankfully, Carla dropped the subject, though I was slightly surprised.  Of course, it was Carla and I should have known better.

              An hour or so later, I was walking past the lounge and heard Perry’s voice.

              “ – not appropriate to talk about at work,” he was saying.

              I poked my head into the lounge and saw him sitting on the couch with Carla.

              “Perry,” she said seriously, “you can talk to me about it.”

              Perry sighed.  “He said we had to take a break, that he couldn’t do this anymore,” he said, so quietly that I had to strain to hear him.  The pain in his voice was obvious.  “Carla, he gave me back the ring.”

              “You broke up?” Carla asked in shock.  “Oh my god…”

              “And it’s completely my fault,” Perry continued.  “If – god, if I had just gotten my shit together a little sooner, not taken him for granted…  I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do without him.”

              “Oh, Perry,” Carla said gently, putting her hand on Perry’s shoulder, but he jerked it away.

              “I don’t want your pity,” he muttered.  “I just need a way to get him back, make him believe that I can change.  This place is just piling it on.  Last night, I was _this close_ to resigning.  If being Chief means that I lose him, is it even worth it?”

              “I guess that’s what you have to decide,” Carla said slowly.  “But Perry, for the record, I think you can do both.  It’s just been a big adjustment and the budget problems didn’t help.  Take this time to work on being Chief, get into a rhythm.  Maybe by that time, you’ll both have healed enough to try again.”

              “Yeah, we’ll see,” Perry said, not sounding very hopeful.

              I left before I had to hear more.  My heart couldn’t take it.

 

* * *

 

 

              “Dude!” Turk shouted as he walked into the locker room.  I was changing into my streets at the end of the my shift by the time he found me.  “Carla told me what happened.  How could you break up with Perry?”

              I cringed internally, feeling even more exhausted at the thought of having another conversation about it.  “Turk, I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumbled, pulling my shirt on.  Just my shoes left… if I could get them on and make a break for it…

              “What are you talking about?” he asked, sounding thoroughly confused.  “How’d this happen?”

              “Turk!” I snapped, nearly shouting.  “I can’t talk about it, okay?  Because if I do, I’ll never make it through another shift here because the thought of being so close to him but not being _with_ him is the hardest thing I’ve ever done!”

              Turk sobered immediately.  “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.  “I – I didn’t know.  Carla just said that Perry was all heartbroken and mopey and I… that’s not helping, is it?”

              “Not even close,” I said, pulling my shoes on.  “Look, I swear, you’ll be the next person I talk to if I feel up to discussing it, but right now, I can’t.”

              “Got it,” Turk said.  “You know where to find me.”

              I nodded and moved quickly toward the door.  “Thanks,” I said, eager to get home – well, back to Elliot’s – and away from the hospital.


	9. If the Sky that We Look Upon Should Tumble and Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter turned out to be HUGE and I think the last scene may just be my favorite piece of writing I've ever done. Like. It all just flowed so well and it came out exactly like I envisioned it: beautiful.  
> I hope you guys really like this chapter as much as I do and please, don't hesitate to leave me any and all feedback in the comments!

               Over the next several weeks, Perry and I established some semblance of civility, one that allowed me to treat my patients and one that allowed him to getter grasp on being the Chief of Medicine.  It was incredibly difficult at first, seeing him every day while trying to heal from the hurt he’d caused me while also dealing with the breakup itself.  I knew he was hurting, too, because not once did I see the smile I had become so accustomed to while he was at work.  I could appreciate the stress he was under, but every time I remembered the things he’d said to me, the hurt came back all over again.  The only things getting me through were Elliot’s continued support, both by letting me stay with her for an extended period of time and being a great friend to lean on, and my son.  Kim had seemed sad for me when I told her about the breakup, so much so that she’d agreed to let me have Sam for a whole week.  Having time to bond with him was invaluable, but he also served as an excellent distraction from losing Perry, Jack, and Jennifer.

              Two weeks after the breakup, Jordan dropped by the hospital with the kids.  I didn’t want to put anyone in an awkward position, so I avoided the general area around Perry’s office, though my heart ached with how much I missed Jack and Jennifer.  It was so strange, being so close to them and yet not having any real claim to them.  It didn’t matter so much anymore what Perry had said, that he thought of me as their father, since we weren’t together anymore, but knowing that they were here and I couldn’t see them made my mood plummet. 

              “Have you even asked him if you could spend some time with the kids?” Carla asked me, taking care to keep her voice down.  She’d learned to be much more sensitive on the topic, especially at the hospital.

              I shook my head.  “No, and I don’t think I should.  I haven’t talked to him about anything other than hospital stuff since we broke up.  It would be crossing a line, Carla, and I can’t do that to myself or to him.”

              Apparently Jack, however, had other ideas because moments later, he came barreling towards the nurses station, shouting my name.  My throat constricted as he ran up to me, arms open wide, and there was no way I could deny him.

              “Hey, buddy,” I said, scooping him up into my arms and holding him tightly.  “Oh, I miss you so much.”

              “Daddy said you went away,” Jack told me, looking more than thrilled to see me, which only served to break my heart even further.  “But you’re here!”

              “Y-yeah,” I said quickly, nodding, “I’m here now, Jack.  Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to, how your sister is?”

              Jack pulled a face.  “She just cries a lot,” he said.  “It’s no fun.  Hey, ‘member how you promised to play catch with me?  In the backyard?”

              “I do remember that,” I said slowly.  “But I’m sure your daddy would love to play catch with you.  He’s a lot better at it than I am.”

              “But you promised!” Jack whined, his smile suddenly turning into a fierce frown.

              “I know I did, buddy, but things – things are complicated right now and I know you don’t understand that, but I love you so much, okay?  And I’m sorry that I didn’t get to play catch with you and that I haven’t been around lately –”

              “JD,” Carla said under her breath, nodding in the general direction of the corridor. 

              I swallowed hard, still holding Jack tightly, as I watched Perry and Jordan walking toward us.  “I think you’d better go with your parents, buddy,” I said, moving to set him down, but he instantly struggled, clinging to me.

              “No!” he insisted.  “I want to stay with you!  I miss you!”

              “Jack, I’m sorry, but you can’t,” I said weakly, knowing that Perry and Jordan were now close enough to hear their son’s pleas.  “Mommy and Daddy are here and you have to go with them.  I’m sorry, he just ran up to me – I didn’t mean to cause any problems…”

              Perry didn’t meet my eyes, but his jaw was tight as I set Jack down and he very reluctantly walked over to his parents.  “Come on,” Perry said to Jordan, “I’ll walk you out to the car.”

              “Daddy,” Jack said, tugging on Perry’s lab coat, “how come you didn’t kiss JD?”

              My eyes shot back up to Perry’s as I froze like a deer in headlights.  The kid was even more perceptive than I’d given him credit for.  I wasn’t sure if I was expected to say something, but Jordan was staring a hole in me.  “JD has a cold,” Perry said flatly, taking his son’s hand and starting down the hall.

              I bit my lip, watching as they left, knowing that Carla was still beside me.  “JD,” she said gently, “are you okay?”

              “Yeah,” I said, blinking rapidly.  “Yeah, Carla, I’m fine.”  I made to turn away and walked right into the Janitor.  He really chose the most inopportune times to torment me. 

              “This is for you,” he said, handing me a white envelope.  “And one for scary nurse.”  He handed Carla another envelope.  “I’m getting married and everyone is invited.  Except Doug, but we’re not telling him that.”

              “I – what?” I asked in confusion, opening the envelope to reveal an actual wedding invitation for the Janitor and his girlfriend Lady.  “In the _Bahamas?_ You’re getting married in the Bahamas?”

              “Destination wedding,” he confirmed.  “And we really hope you all can make it.”

              With that, he walked off, passing out envelopes to random hospital workers.  I looked over at Carla, still having trouble processing the idea.  “Is this for real?”

              “It sure looks like it,” Carla said, shrugging.  “Hey, maybe we _should_ go.  It might do us some good to get away for a while, you especially.”

              I thought for a moment.  “You might be right, actually.  And there’s no way Perry will go if he gets invited since he’s so busy here.  I could use some distance.”

              “I’ll talk to Turk and you can get Elliot in on it.  It’ll be fun!  But you might want to start tanning before you go or you’ll burn like crazy.”

              I frowned.  “I know I’m pale, Carla, thank you very much.  We can’t all have your radiant Puerto Rican skin.”

              “For the _last time_ , JD, I’m –”

              “Dominican!” I said, raising my hands in surrender.  “I know!  I was joking!”

 

* * *

 

 

              “What’s this?” Elliot asked when I got back to her place and handed her the invitation. 

              “Oh, you’ll see,” I said, gesturing for her to read it.  I flopped down on the couch and closed my eyes, trying to think about our impending vacation rather than the all too brief time I’d spent with Jack.

              “The Janitor’s getting married?” Elliot asked in shock, gaping at the invite.

              “Apparently so.  He gave me and Carla invites and about half the hospital staff.  Carla thinks we should actually go.”

              “What do you think?” Elliot asked, arching an eyebrow at me.

              “I think it’d be good to get some distance,” I said, avoiding Elliot’s gaze.  “We had a bit of a run-in today…”

              “A run-in?” Elliot repeated.  “What does that mean?  What happened?”

              “Jordan stopped by with the kids and I guess they were getting ready to leave and Jack saw me and he just ran over.  Elliot, he asked where I’d been and why I hadn’t played catch with him like I promised.  And then Perry and Jordan walked up and Jennifer was there in the stroller and Jack started whining because he didn’t want to leave me and Perry just sort of took him away and Jordan was glaring at me and before they left, Jack asked why Perry didn’t kiss me.”

              Elliot gasped, covering her mouth.  “Oh, JD, that’s awful,” she said sympathetically.  “I’m so sorry.  Maybe the trip _is_ a good idea, though it doesn’t really solve the problem with the kids…”

              “Tell me about it,” I muttered, dragging a hand down my face.  “It killed me today, the way he wouldn’t even look at me.  I mean, I get why things are so strained, but I don’t want the kids caught in the middle.  Jack’s obviously already confused and it just broke my heart.  I thought us being apart would be better for them, but maybe that’s not the case.”

              “Well, JD, I get where you’re coming from, but you can’t get back together with Perry just for the kids’ sake.  You have to do it because it’s the right thing for both of you.  And I’m guessing neither of you are there yet.”

              “Not yet,” I said sadly.  “I really wish we were, though.  And I mean, he does seem to be handling things better now as Chief.  It’s hard not to think that it’s because we broke up, though.  He – he has to be able to handle work and home life.  I know it was a lot with the new house and the wedding planning, but it seems like he’s got the hang of it now.”

              “It _has_ been almost a month,” Elliot reminded me somewhat sheepishly.  “Maybe he just needed more time to settle in without any other distractions.  Not that you were a distraction!  Frick, that came out wrong.”

              “No, it’s okay,” I assured her.  “I know what you meant.  And besides, you not really wrong.  Let’s just… let’s think about the trip, okay?  Because you’re definitely going, right?”

              “Oh, hell yeah!  This is exactly what you need, JD.  It’ll be perfect – a few days away from Perry and you’ll have a chance to really figure things out, decide what you want.”

              “The thing is I already know what I want,” I said quietly.  “I just hope I can get to a place where I can have it.”

              “You will,” Elliot said, sounding like she believed it wholeheartedly.  “JD, I promise you will.  For now, just be patient, okay?  Some time away from Perry, really away from him, might clear your head.  Plus you’ll be in the _Bahamas_!”

              I cracked a smile.  “Well, when you put it like that…,” I said, trailing off as I tried to imagine standing on a beach and watching the waves crash on the shore, finding myself and figuring out what I wanted in life.

 

* * *

 

 

              It had all sounded good in theory, but my cautiously optimistic bubble burst before we’d even left the States.  I’d been chatting with Turk, Carla, and Elliot when Turk nudged me, looking pointedly over my shoulder.  Confused, I had turned, following his gaze, and saw _Perry._ We had all just assumed he wouldn’t come because he’d been so busy, but our assumptions couldn’t have been more wrong.  It was clear that this vacation wouldn’t be _all_ fun and games for him, since he sat down a considerable distance from us and pulled out his laptop and began working diligently.  I crossed my arms and sank down in my seat, hoping our seats on the plane weren’t any closer than this.

              “Where are you guys sitting?” I asked once we started boarding the plane. 

              “Carla and I are in row F,” Turk told me, looking down at his ticket.  “What about you and Elliot?”

              “We couldn’t get seats next to each other,” I explained.  “I’m C and she’s in E, I think.  So, I guess I’ll see you when we get there.”

              “I hope they have peanuts,” Turk said wistfully.  “Airline peanuts are always the best.”

              I rolled my eyes as I continued down the narrow aisle, making my way to row C.  I slid my carry-on bag into the overhead storage and took the seat by the window.  The plane seemed to fill up quickly, but the seat next to me remained empty.  And then Perry walked up.  Our eyes met and I wished I could disappear into my seat. 

              “Hi,” I said weakly, dropping my gaze to my lap as he put his own luggage in the overhead bin and sat down next to me.  It was the closest we’d been since the breakup and the tension couldn’t have been worse.  “H-how are you?”

              Perry glared at me for a moment, his jaw tightening, but he said nothing. 

              “Right,” I said under my breath.  “Stupid question.”

              We sat in silence through the flight attendant’s announcement of the safety procedures, with me shifting as far toward the window as I could in the small airplane seat.  His body language was tense and angry, and as far as I could tell, he was holding back from saying anything to me.  I couldn’t blame him – I’d broken his heart just as much as he’d shattered mine.  And now I wasn’t getting the distance I was so sure I’d needed, especially not right now.

              The overhead lights came on, signaling us to buckle our seatbelts as the flight attendant announced the very same.  I could only hope that the six-hour flight passed quickly.  The book I’d brought with was now tucked in my carry-on in the overhead storage and there was no way I would get out of my seat now and maneuver around Perry.  I sighed and leaned back against the seat.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Perry gripping the armrests, his knuckles white, and swiftly remembered that of the few fears Perry seemed to have, flying was one.  Shortly after, the plane began to move, picking up speed as it moved down the runway. 

              “D’you want me to close the window?” I asked sheepishly, not wanting to make him anymore uncomfortable than he already was.

              Perry glanced over at me and nodded curtly, taking deep, somewhat shaky breaths all the while.  “Thanks,” he muttered.

              “It’s all right,” I said, both about shutting the window shade and as a reassurance about our flight.  I hesitated for a moment but then placed my hand over Perry’s, the one that was gripping our shared armrest.

              Perry seemed like he was about to pull away, but then the wheels left the tarmac and the plane began its ascent.  He closed his eyes and instead of the armrest, he gripped my hand tightly.  I swallowed hard and squeezed back to let him know he was okay, that I was here.  By the time we reached the appropriate altitude, Perry had relaxed just slightly. 

              “We can take our seatbelts off now,” I murmured, looking over at him when the lights went out, but I didn’t want to be the one to pull my hand away.

              “Right,” Perry said, letting go of my hand and unbuckling his seatbelt.  He cleared his throat and didn’t look at me once.

              “Can I just say something?” I asked, never taking my eyes _off_ him.

              “JD, now’s neither the time nor the place –”

              “I wanted to apologize for the other day,” I said in a rush.  “With Jack.  I – I know it was hard for you and I’m sure Jordan hates my guts now…  I didn’t meant to make it more complicated.  He just ran up to me and, Perry, I miss them so much.  I couldn’t just ignore him.  And then he started asking questions and – and I’m sorry.”

              Perry was quiet as he collected his thoughts.  “He asks about you all the time,” he finally said, shaking his head.  “I don’t know the right thing to do here.  You two have bonded, and you and Jennifer, too.  Keeping you away from them can’t be the answer, but with the way things are right now, I don’t know what else to do.”

              “I understand,” I said softly.  “I know I hurt you, too, Perry, but the way things were…  I couldn’t live like that.  I _can’t_.  I mean, have you been working on things at all?”

              “Have I – Jesus, JD,” Perry said resentfully.  “I’ve been working my _ass_ off to get caught up on _everything_ at the hospital.  I’ll be working from my laptop for this whole vacation to keep up the momentum!  And it’s still not good enough?”          

              “That’s not what I meant,” I said desperately.  “Perry, all I want is to know that you’re in a good enough place to be able to devote equal time to work, to the kids, and to me.  I mean, I deserve that much, don’t I?”

              Perry took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh.  “You’re right,” he agreed.  “I’m sorry.  It’s just… being away from you, JD, it’s killing me.  The kids miss you.  _I_ miss you.  I still think we should just try and work through things _together_.”

              “I know you do,” I said sadly.  “And I’m sorry, but I’m not ready for that.  Not until I know for sure that I’m not walking right back into the same thing.  Can’t you understand that?”

              “Yeah,” Perry said quietly, carefully reconstructing an emotionless mask on his face.  “I understand.”

              I had a feeling the six-hour flight was going to seem much, much longer.

 

* * *

 

 

              Over the four days we spent on the island, I hardly had a single moment alone.  It seemed as though Carla, Turk, and Elliot were taking shifts watching me, making sure I was okay.  I appreciated their concern, but it wasn’t giving me any time to think about where Perry and I stood.  It also seemed that whenever I managed a moment to sneak away from my babysitters, I ran into Perry.  Not physically, thankfully, but wherever I went, he already seemed to be. 

              After the Janitor’s wedding, which was equal parts strange and sweet, I was desperate for some alone time.  “Guys,” I sighed, hearing the three of them following behind me, “can I please just have this last evening to myself?  I appreciate what you’re all trying to do, but I need a break.”

              “Of course, JD,” Carla said gracefully, tugging Turk and Elliot back toward the hotel.  “If you need us, you know where to find us.”

              I nodded, assuring her that I would reach out if I needed to.  I wandered down to the beach and sat down in the sand, just close enough for the surf to reach my feet.  Perry and I hadn’t spoken much since the plane ride, and that certainly hadn’t ended well.  I missed him so badly, wanted so much for things to be okay between us, but it was hard to tell whether or not he really did have a handle on things or if he was just trying to make it seem like he did.  And I felt horrible for making him so miserable – it was obvious that he was even if he hadn’t said so. 

              For the first time since the breakup, I let my defenses crumble around me and there, on a beach in the Bahamas, I cried.  I had so easily envisioned spending the rest of my life with Perry, and while I still held out hope that I would, it seemed like the longer we spent apart, the sadder I became and the angrier he got.  How long could this breakup last before he came to resent me too much or before I gave up hope completely?  I knew my friends could tell how upset I was even though I did my best to hide it, but all I cared about was the hurt I saw flash across Perry’s face every time our eyes met.

              Whether it was because of my own tears or the waves crashing onto the beach, I didn’t hear anyone approach me.  I jumped slightly when Perry sat down beside me in the sand and quickly tried to wipe away my tears, though I knew it was no use.  “What do you want?” I asked through my tears, determined not to look at him.  “Come to yell at me some more?”

              “Come on,” Perry said, an edge of sadness in his voice, “you know that’s not why I’m here.  I’m here because we’re both miserable.  We can’t keep going on like this.”

              “I hate that I miss you so much,” I whispered, hugging my knees to my chest.  “I _hate_ it.  I hate that I still love you.”

              Beside me, Perry swallowed hard.  “I know,” he murmured.  “And you have every reason to.  But if nothing else, JD, please believe me when I tell you I’m sorry.  If I could go back in time and change the things I said to you, I would.  You were only ever trying to help me and because I was so angry with _myself_ , I pushed you away.  One thing that hasn’t changed is how much I want to be with you.  I want to wake up next to you every goddamn day and I want to tell you how much I love you and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I can’t promise you we won’t fight or that everything will be sunshine and rainbows.  God _knows_ we’ll fight, because one of the things you’re best at is challenging me and telling me when I’m out of line.  We’ll still argue and sometimes we’ll hate each other’s guts, but at the end of the day, you’re still going to be the person I want to be with.  I _love_ you, JD, and I’m not ready to give up on us.”

              Any hope of my tears subsiding was gone the moment Perry’s speech began.  “This was different, Perry,” I said thickly.  “This wasn’t a fight.  I was trying to help you because you needed someone and what you said to me… I won’t let that happen anymore.  I might have let you walk all over me years ago, but I won’t go back there again.”

              “It _won’t_ happen again,” Perry said seriously.  “That’s a promise.  This Chief job… it was such an adjustment and I didn’t want to have to ask for help and I took out all that frustration on you.  And I’m _sorry_.  I almost resigned from the post after the breakup, but because you had told me you believed in me, because you truly thought I could do it, I stayed.  JD, look, if you can honestly tell me that you don’t want anything to do with me anymore, I’ll respect it.  But if there’s any part of you that wants to give us another shot, please tell me, because I’m not ready to give up on us.”

              I turned my head to look at Perry, but before I could say anything, my face crumpled and the tears fell faster than before.  Perry surged forward and wrapped his arms around me, rocking me ever so slightly back and forth.  “I know,” he breathed, burying his face in my hair.  “I’m so sorry, Newbie.  So sorry.”

              “I know you are,” I managed, clutching Perry’s shirt.  “I’m sorry, too.  I know I hurt you and the kids in the process.  But I missed you so much.  And now we just spent an amazing vacation not even speaking with each other.”

              “We still have another night,” Perry said, rubbing my side.  “It’s not over yet.  Come on, sweetheart, don’t cry.”

              “I’m not crying,” I mumbled, though I was able to manage a small laugh.  “Who says I’m crying?”

              “Whatever you say,” Perry chuckled, pulling back to brush away my tears.  He watched me for a moment before leaning in and kissing my forehead.  “I love you, JD.  And I still want to marry you, whether it’s tomorrow or a year from now.”

              I closed my eyes and hugged Perry a little tighter.  “I still want to marry you, too.  All that wedding planning… it just got to me, I guess.  I just wanted it to be perfect, but we were both so stressed out.”

              “We… we could get married tomorrow,” Perry said slowly.  “Before we all leave.”

              I pulled back and looked up at him, my tears stopping abruptly.  “Are you being serious?”

              “Yeah, I am.  But I only want to if it’s what _you_ want.”

              “I – well, I don’t know… I mean, I’d really like for our kids to be there, to have a part in the ceremony…”

              “Hey,” Perry said quickly, “it was just an idea.  If you want to wait until we get back home and just keep working on planning something, then we’ll do that.  All I want is for you to be happy, kid.”

              I nodded and kissed Perry softly, letting it linger for a moment.  It was our first kiss in over a month, after all.  “Why don’t we meet in the middle?  We get married tomorrow, just a small ceremony with our friends and then in a few years, when everything’s all settled, we can just renew our vows and have a huge reception.  By that time, the kids will be old enough to understand what’s going on and we won’t be trying to do thirty different things at once.”

              “You really want to?” Perry asked, and though he was trying to hide it, I could hear the excitement in his voice.

              “Yeah, Perry, I really want to.  I love you.  I want to get married.”

              The answering smile on Perry’s face was all I needed to see to know that I was making the right decision.  Even despite the tension during the trip, something had changed between us.  “Come back to my room with me?” Perry asked, taking my hand in his.  “It’s been tough, sleeping without you.”

              I nodded, squeezing his hand.  “I know,” I murmured.  “Yeah, let’s go.”

             

              Perry and I walked along the shoreline for a while, hand-in-hand, before we headed back up to the hotel and to Perry’s room.  When we got there, I felt a desperation wash over me, one that I had been ignoring for the last month.  He closed the door behind us while I lingered in the middle of the small hotel room, the bed just behind me.  I looked up at Perry, my still-raw emotions coming to the surface again.

              “Hey,” Perry said, his brows furrowing as he looked at me.  “What’s wrong?”

              “Nothing,” I said quickly, clearing my throat.  “Everything’s _perfect_.”

              Perry stepped forward and took my face in his hands.  “Perfect,” he echoed before kissing me, soft and slow. 

              I melted in his arms before wrapping my own around his waist.  “Perry?” I whispered, breaking the kiss just enough to speak as I blushed.  “I need you.”

              I wondered for a very brief moment if Perry might tease me for saying something so cheesy, but all he said was, “Yeah,” which meant a great deal more to me than anything else.  “Just… wait one second.”

              I stayed where I was, watching as Perry moved over to his suitcase, which lie open on the floor, though everything appeared to be organized rather than the way my suitcase’s contents were strewn all over my hotel room.  He unzipped one of the pockets on the inside and took something out of it as I watched in confusion, though I didn’t dare question what he was doing.  I was far too happy to be with him again to complain. 

              When he walked back over to me, he held his free hand out.  “Give me your hand,” he breathed.  I held out my right hand for him, only growing more confused, but he shook his head.  “Your left hand, angel.”

              “Oh, Perry,” I sighed, suddenly realizing what he was doing.  I bit my lip as Perry slid my engagement ring back on my finger.

              “I carried it in my pocket every day since you left,” he admitted as he put his own ring back on.  “I wanted to be ready if you ever decided to give us another try.”

              “I love you so much,” I said in response, feeling the familiar prickling of tears in my eyes.  “I didn’t feel right without you.  I need you in my life, Per, there’s no doubt about that.  I – I just needed time…”

              Perry was quick to shush me, and rather effectively, by pressing his lips to mine and pulling me close.  “I know.  And it was hard for both of us, but it’s over now.  I’m here, you’re here, that’s what matters.”

              “You’re here,” I repeated, wrapping my arms around his neck.  If only I could have held him tightly enough, long enough, to convey just how sorry I was.  There was never a doubt in my mind that he was sorry for everything he’d done, too, and for the first time in a long time, I began to relax.

              Perry pulled me back toward the bed without breaking our kiss.  “I’m here,” he murmured as a reassurance.  “And I love you.  And I’m _always_ gonna love you.”

              “Me, too,” I replied, arching up against him as we kissed.  It had taken so long to get back here, so much hurt and doubt and worry, but none of that seemed to matter at the moment now that Perry was holding me, kissing me, _loving_ me.  I reached between us and began pulling up his shirt, the thin cotton sliding over his warm skin. 

              He sat up, sighing when our lips left each other’s, and pulled his shirt the rest of the way off, letting it fall to the floor behind him.  My eyes roved over his body, taking in every curve, every dip and shadow, every toned muscle.  He bent back down to kiss me again, neither of us ready to speak, to break the silence.  In that moment, I knew that I had everything I’d ever wanted and that neither Perry nor I would do anything to jeopardize that again.  Between kisses, Perry’s hands found their way to my waist and he made quick work of ridding me of my shirt, and it soon joined his on the floor.  I pressed kiss after kiss to his neck, trailing them along his jawline to the hollow just behind his ear and felt him shake just slightly when I nipped softly at his earlobe.  It was like coming home just then, though it had only been about a month, and I wanted to refamiliarize myself with everything he liked best, with everything that made him gasp and arch into me, wanting more.

              We each took it upon ourselves to strip the rest of the way, letting our shorts fall to the floor onto the ever-growing pile of clothes at the foot of the bed.  When there was nothing left between us, when we were both completely bare to each other, physically and emotionally, we paused, both of us panting, the promise of what was to come hovering all around us.  I kissed him again, swiftly, and he reached over to his bedside table, quickly emerging from the drawer with a travel-size bottle of lube.  Wordlessly, he pushed down on my chest, pressing me flat against the mattress, and began kissing down my chest.  I closed my eyes and relaxed completely, letting Perry do whatever he wanted to me, trusting that it would be just as good as every other time. 

              “Oh,” I sighed, feeling him began to massage my entrance with a single digit, not yet pressing in.  Part of me wanted him up here so I could kiss him, touch him, but such thoughts were quickly banished when I felt his tongue on the underside of my cock.  “Oh, Perry.”

              He hummed in response, slipping that single finger inside me just as he took me into his mouth.  We’d done this so many times before, but there was something much more intimate about this.  We were both slowing down, really taking the time to appreciate being with each other after such a difficult separation.  In retrospect, it hadn’t really been all that long, but at the time, it had felt like forever.  It had felt like I had lost part of myself.

              I was no longer in control of the gasps and whimpers that flowed from my mouth as Perry slid in a second finger, stretching me, those fingers working in perfect rhythm with his mouth, his tongue, sliding over me again and again.  I brought one of my hands down to thread into his hair, the desire to touch him starting to overwhelm me.  It wasn’t until he added a third finger that he brushed up against my prostate and I couldn’t help but cry out in pleasure, my hips involuntarily bucking up.  He took it all in stride, his pace hardly faltering at all.  I managed to lift my head, to open my eyes and look at him, and to see those blue eyes looking back at me was all I needed.

              “O-okay,” I gasped, swallowing hard as I reached down and pushed on his shoulder.   “I’m ready, I’m so ready, Perry, please.”

              Perry dove down on my cock once more even as his fingers left me and he pulled off deliciously slowly, leaving my cock twitching against my stomach.  I took a few moments to try and regain my composure, to not let all this end before it’d hardly begun, and by that time, Perry’d squeezed some lube into his hand and was now spreading it over himself.  I didn’t care how many times I’d seen it before – the sight of Perry touching himself never failed to awe me.  He was so gorgeous, the epitome of masculinity, and most importantly, he was all mine.

              “Come here,” he murmured, adjusting himself so that he was sitting on the bed.  I moved so that my legs were on either side of him and he was quick to wrap his arms around me, supporting me, and I brought my arms around his neck, clinging to him in an attempt to be as close to him as possible.  With one hand, he guided himself into me, letting me control the pace from there.  He let out a breathy moan, but I was too overwhelmed to make noise, something of a rarity for me.  I had wanted him for so long, _needed_ him, and now I was secure in the knowledge that I’d never lose him again.  We were as close as humanly possible, and I could feel every breath he took, every twitch of every muscle as I sank down onto him. 

              Slowly, I began to roll my hips against him, the position not allowing for me to ride him so much as _feel_ him in me.  It added to the intimacy of the moment, the ability to feel him literally twitch inside me, to feel him shudder as I tightened experimentally around him before setting a slow pace, in no hurry to see this end.  The kisses Perry peppered along my neck and shoulder were featherlight, in stark contrast to the way his fingers were digging into my hips, my lower back, yet all of it spoke to the desperate need we were both feeling.  With each roll of my hips, my cock brushed against our stomachs, caught between us and only serving to enhance the way I was feeling.

              When Perry began to roll his hips in counterpoint, I dropped my head to rest against him, closing my eyes and sucking in short, quick gasps, knowing that even though what we were doing wasn’t fast-paced or strenuous, both of us were nearing the end.  It was by and large the most intense, passionate, romantic sex we’d ever had and I would remember it for the rest of my life. 

              “Are you…?” Perry asked softly, speaking for the first time in a while.  Up until then, the only sounds in the room had been our soft moans and harsh breaths. 

              “Yeah,” I managed to reply, my eyes shut tightly as I sped up my movements.  The end was drawing ever closer and we both knew it, but I was doing everything I could to prolong it, to stay in the moment for as long as possible.  I whimpered as I felt Perry start to shake just slightly.  He buried his face in the crook of my neck, letting out a series of low moans as he finished.  That, more than anything else, was what pushed me over the edge, feeling him throb within me as he came, over and over again.  I sobbed aloud as I came, no longer able to prolong it, though the build-up had been nothing short of incredible.  Perry held me tightly as I rode out the high and even as I came back down and felt tears streaming down my face.  He brought his hands up to my face and kissed me so soft and sweet that I was almost embarrassed to be crying at all, but I could tell by the way he looked at me when he pulled back that he understood.  We were both processing a lot of emotions, both good and bad, and as he’d learned over the course of dating me, I was a crier. 

              “I love you, JD,” he whispered, looking directly into my eyes.

              “I love you, Perry,” I echoed, taking a deep breath to steady myself.  It might have been the way the hotel room was so dimly lit or the reflection of the moonlight coming through the patio doors, but I could have sworn his eyes were shining as he looked back at me, too.


	10. Why Can't Every Day Be Just This Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my amazing readers!! This is the chapter I've been waiting for this whole time and I really can't believe it's already here! I hope you all enjoy it because honestly, I was grinning from ear to ear while I wrote it.
> 
> Without further ado, here's the wedding chapter!

              I woke early the next morning, before Perry, and spent a few minutes laying in his arms.  I had missed that feeling so keenly over the last month.  There hadn’t been many nights that we’d spent apart before the separation, and the circumstances had made it all the more painful.  Despite that, the last thing I wanted to do was spend any time dwelling on what we’d put each other through.  Rather, I wanted to focus on what today held.  Relucantly, I slipped out of bed, being extra careful not to disturb Perry, and pulled on my clothes.  On a piece of hotel stationery, I left him a note telling him where I’d gone and when to meet me.  Before I left, I stood near the door and watched him for a moment, pleased that he looked so much more relaxed and peaceful than he had as of late.

              My first task was to locate Van.  He wasn’t my ideal officiant, but on a small island in the Bahamas, I had limited options.  He’d done well enough at the Janitor’s ceremony, at least.  I headed toward one of the bars, figuring he’d be in one of them.  On my way there, I ran into Turk, who looked relieved to see me.

              “Dude, where did you go last night?  I know you wanted time to yourself, but you didn’t text or anything,” he said, sounding more concerned than I’d expected.

              “I went and sat on the beach for a while,” I explained.  “And then Perry showed up and, Turk, we… we really worked things out.  And we agreed that we wanted to have a ceremony here on the island before we leave today.”

              Turk’s eyes widened comically, and for a moment he looked so skeptical that I was worried he wouldn’t be supportive.  He seemed to realize that and quickly rearranged his expression.  “Seriously?  You guys are in a good enough place to get married?  I mean, I don’t want to sound like a jackass, but he really hurt you, JD.”

              “I know he did,” I said calmly.  “Believe me, I know.  But if this last month taught me anything, it’s that Perry and I are far worse apart than we are together and I owe it to him, to me, and to our kids to work this out with him.  I love him, Turk.  That didn’t change.”

              Turk nodded.  “Then make no mistake, I’m really happy for you, man,” he said genuinely.  “When’s this whole thing going down?”

              “Hopefully in a couple hours. I’m trying to find Van to see if he’ll officiate the wedding.  Come on, don’t give me that look.  He’s my only choice!”

              With a laugh, Turk patted my back and started leading me toward the bar I had been planning to check first.  “I’m just giving you a hard time.  It’s not every day you get married, you know?”

              “I know,” I huffed out, grinning broadly.  “I can’t wait.  And for the record, I know that Perry and I have moved pretty fast since we got together, but he’s just… I can’t even put it into words.  When I’m with him, it’s like I’m home, you know?”

              Turk nodded wisely.  “Yeah, man, I know.  I’m glad you found that person that makes you feel like that.  If there’s anyone who deserves it, it’s you.”

              “Wow, okay,” I said quickly, waving my hand at him, “that’s about as sappy as you’re allowed to get today otherwise I’m going to cry the whole time and I’ve been doing enough of that lately.”

              “All right, point taken,” Turk said with a grin.  “Anyway, last time I checked, Van was hanging out here.  He’ll probably be up for officiating another ceremony as long as Todd hasn’t offered to take him parasailing in banana hammocks.”

              “Thanks for that mental image,” I groaned.

              “You’re welcome,” Turk said, sounding rather proud of himself.

 

* * *

 

 

              After my conversation with Van, I pulled out my phone to hastily text Perry, telling him to meet me on the beach in two hours.  Turk and I started back to my hotel room, where Carla and Elliot were waiting for us. 

              “JD!” Elliot screeched when we turned the corner and saw them outside my door.  She surged forward and hugged me tightly.  “I’m so happy for you!”

              “Turk texted you then, huh?” I laughed, returning her embrace.

              “He did,” Carla said, coming up behind Elliot.  “How do you feel?”

              “I feel really good,” I said honestly as Elliot disentangled herself from me.  “Last night was great.  We worked through a lot of things and there’s not a doubt in my mind that I’m doing the right thing here.”

              “Then that’s all that matters,” Carla said, giving me a smile.  “Now, what are you wearing to this beach wedding of yours?”

              “That’s why you two are here, isn’t it?  Aren’t my best friends supposed to dress me?  It’s not like either of us are wearing suits,” I chuckled.

              Elliot sighed.  “Please tell me you packed something that wasn’t swim trunks or graphic t-shirts,” she said as I let us into my hotel room. 

              “Would you believe me if I said yes?” I asked with a grin, plopping down on the edge of the bed. 

              She just grumbled in response as she began tearing apart my suitcase, waving Carla over for assistance.  I leaned back, smiling to myself.  I had always imagined I’d be nervous before my wedding, but all I felt now was excitement and a sense of knowing I was making the right decision.  Perry and I both knew where we stood with each other now and that we were both far too important to each other to continue on the way we had been.  I had known him for eight years and yet he still had the ability to surprise me.  I was hoping for a lifetime full of little surprises.

              Eventually, Elliot and Carla settled on a pale blue short-sleeved button-down I’d thrown in my suitcase without really knowing why and a pair of khaki shorts.  I quite liked the ensemble, and though it certainly wasn’t what I’d envisioned wearing to my own wedding, I was sure that Perry wouldn’t care what I was wearing. 

              “When you do your hair, make sure you don’t use _too_ much gel.  You don’t want Perry’s hand getting caught in it when you two run off to mess around,” Elliot said rather sternly.

              “What makes you think we’ll mess around?” I countered, looking at her in the mirror as she leaned against the bathroom doorway.

              “JD, you two can hardly ever keep your hands off each other.  I’m just being realistic.”

              “You know we’ll have to leave the island practically right after the ceremony so we can all catch our plane, right?”

              “Oh, you’re creative,” she said with a shrug.  “You’ll figure something out.  Anyway, not too much gel, okay?”

              “Whatever you say,” I sighed, though I fully intended on taking her advice.

              Fifteen minutes before I’d told Perry to meet me on the beach, I finished getting ready.  I walked back out into the bedroom, where Turk, Carla, and Elliot were all waiting impatiently.  “Well, this was so not how I thought this vacation was going to go,” I remarked, smiling at the three of them.

              “Look at you, Bambi,” Carla said, suddenly emotional.  “You look amazing.  I’m so happy for the two of you.”

              I blushed slightly and pulled her into a hug.  “Thanks, Carla,” I said softly, grateful to have her there.  “You guys go on.  I’ll be down in a minute.”

              Turk gave me a thumbs-up and Elliot hugged me once more before they all headed down to the beach.  I stepped back into the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror.  “We’re going to make it this time,” I said to myself, taking a deep breath to steady myself.  “I know it.”

 

* * *

 

 

              Much to my surprise, when I got to the beach, I saw Todd and Ted just finishing setting up chairs in the sand and Van was standing near the shoreline with Perry, presumably going over some last minute details.  I couldn’t have hidden the smile on my face even if I’d tried.  Perry looked amazing, tan and strong, in a white polo and navy blue shorts.  He glanced up at me, then back down at the book Van was holding, and then did a double take, realizing it was me.  I smiled back at him and gave him a little wave and looking as though I was the only thing in the world that existed to him at the moment, he walked up the beach toward me and took my hands in his own.

              “You look stunning,” he murmured.  “Absolutely gorgeous.”

              “You do too,” I said, beaming up at him and squeezing his hands.  “Perry, this is amazing.”

              “You like it?” Perry asked, looking back at the chairs that were slowly sinking into the sand and laughing.  “It’s kind of a mess.”

              “I don’t care,” I chuckled.  “We’re getting married.  It could downpour right now and I wouldn’t even mind.”

              Perry smiled and let go of my hands in favor of placing an arm around my waist.  “Then shall we?” he asked, gesturing toward where Van stood just in front of the smattering of chairs.

              I nodded, walking alongside Perry, feeling equal parts excited and shocked to even be here at all.

              “Are you expecting anyone else?” Van asked Perry. 

              Both of us looked back at our guests: Turk, Carla, Elliot, Ted, the Todd, Kelso, and even the Janitor and Lady.  “No, this is everybody,” Perry said, looking back at me and giving me a wink that made my heart swell.  “Let’s do this.”

              I felt a swell of affection rise up in me then, both for the people who were here in attendance, and for Perry himself.  It was really happening.  _Finally_.  I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that marriage was the answer to all of our problems, but I felt much more secure standing here with Perry, our fingers intertwined, knowing that he loved me just as much as I loved him, and for the time being, I didn’t have to think about what difficulties the future might hold.  Just knowing that in this moment that I was enough for him was all I needed.

              “Now,” Van began, projecting his voice over the sound of the surf, “I know I said yesterday that I am not a strong public speaker, but I feel I did a good job.  If anyone would care to leave any feedback, please come find me after the ceremony.  I’ll most likely be at the bar.”

              Perry raised his eyebrows and took his eyes off me long enough to look at Van.  “Now’d be a good time to get to the actual ceremony,” he stage-whispered, making me grin.

              “My thoughts exactly,” Van said in return.  “You two wrote your own vows, correct?”

              “Uh, no…,” Perry said slowly, but then he paused, swallowing as he looked into my eyes.  “JD, you’ve been in my life for almost eight years now,” he started, and I knew right away that I wouldn’t make it through this without crying.  “I only wish I had known back then that you’d come to mean so much to me.  I can’t say that the realization happened overnight, but since your going away party, I’ve known without a doubt that I want to be with you forever.  I never was the type of guy to use the word ‘forever’ before I met you, but now it’s the only word that explains just how long I want to be with you.  I love you, John Dorian, and I intend on proving to you just how much every single day for the rest of our lives.”

              My eyes were glazed over with tears by the time Perry finished, but somehow I managed to find my voice.  “How am I supposed to follow that?” I joked, earning a laugh from our guests.  “Oh, Perry, I’ve loved you for so long.  I’m sure you know by now just how much, but I’ll keep trying to tell you for as long as I live.  When I look into your eyes, like right now, I can sense the devotion you feel for me, and honestly, sometimes it feels so surreal to have someone who loves me so deeply, so intensely.  I could have only dreamed of a love like this before I met you, but now I have it.  Plus now I get to say ‘my _husband_ , the Chief of Medicine,’ so that’s a pretty great perk.”  I paused to collect myself when everyone chuckled.  “I love you Perry.  So much.”

              “Usually we try to keep the vows down to just a few sentences, but those weren’t half bad,” Van said, turning a page in his book.  I snorted, trying to stifle my teary laughter when Perry looked like he wanted to smack Van upside the head, but thankfully, he refrained.  “All right, do you, Perry Cox – nice last name, by the way – take John Dorian to be your husband?”

              “I do,” Perry murmured, ignoring Van’s aside.  His eyes were watering just slightly as he looked back at me, playing with the ring that was already on my finger.

              “And do you, John Dorian, take Perry Cox – seriously, awesome name – to be your husband?”

              “I really, really do,” I gushed, trying and failing to hold back a small sob, though I couldn’t stop smiling.

              “Then I am pleased to announce that you are now legally married,” Van said, closing his book, which I had started to believe was just for show.  “You may kiss your groom.”

              Perry grinned and took my face in his hands and kissed me soundly, though I was smiling far too widely for it to be all that effective. 

              “We’re married!” I laughed, tears streaming down my cheeks. 

              “Sure are, kiddo,” Perry said, looking so genuinely happy that I wished I could save the moment in my memory forever.  He kissed me again, ignoring the wolf-whistle that I suspected came from Turk.  “You ready to catch that plane now?”

              “Long as I’m with you, I don’t care where we go,” I replied, tucking myself under his arm and into his side as everyone came up to congratulate us.  I knew what most of them were saying, but my only thoughts were of Perry and the fact that we’d finally made it.  And I couldn’t wait to get home and see our kids.


	11. Now That You've Come Back, Turned Night into Day, I Need You to Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As with all good things, this fic must come to and end, and with it, the series. I have enjoyed writing these three fics immensely, but am also looking forward to a new fic that I've had in the works for a while now. I hope you've all liked this, too, and will continue to in the future! Until next time, thank you so much! <3

              Regretfully, Perry and I parted to hurry to our rooms and pack our things.  We were all set to board a boat in less than an hour that would take us to a larger island where we’d catch our plane back to the States.  I had never packed a suitcase so quickly in my life, eager to get back to Perry, but he beat me to it and showed up at my door a few minutes before I finished.  In my defense, Elliot and Carla had torn apart everything I’d packed to find me a suitable wedding outfit and Perry had always been much more organized than me.

              “Hey,” he said, warm and soft, when I opened the door.  “You ready to go?”

              I reached up and kissed him, letting my lips linger against his, savoring it for all it was worth.  “Not quite yet,” I said when I pulled away, though I took yet another moment to appreciate the understated and still somehow lovesick smile on his face.  “I just need a couple more minutes.” 

              Perry grinned and stepped inside, pulling his suitcase along with him.  “Sounds exactly like when you’re trying to convince me to stay in bed just a little longer,” he commented, leaning back against the door.

              I smiled back at him as I continued folding my remaining clothing, shoving it forcibly into my suitcase.  “You just guaranteed yourself a lifetime of that,” I said, positively beaming.  “God, I can’t wait to come back home.”

              “The house wasn’t the same without you,” Perry agreed.  “Gonna be nice waking up next to you again.”

              I was grateful that I’d finally managed to zip up my suitcase because it seemed like the most opportune time to wrap my arms around Perry in a long embrace.  “I love you so much,” I whispered, closing my eyes and blocking everything else out but him. 

              Perry’s arms wrapped around me without a second’s hesitation, holding me just tightly enough.  “Never gonna take this for granted again,” he breathed.  “I missed you so much, Newbie.”

              “I missed you, too,” I echoed, pulling back just enough to look up at him.  “I didn’t really feel like myself without you.  I never want to go back there, okay?”

              Perry nodded, just as serious as I was.  “You and me both, kid.  My life’s much more fun with you in it.”

 

* * *

             

              “How are you doing?” I asked, looking over at Perry, though judging by the way his fingers were laced with mine and how tightly he was hanging onto me, I already knew the answer.

              “Fine,” he said tersely.  “Just hate flying.”

              “I know,” I said, keeping my voice level and calm.  I’d already shut the window beside me, knowing that the rain outside wouldn’t do anything to ease Perry’s discomfort.  “But we’ll be home and back on the ground before you know it.”

              Perry grunted in acknowledgement as the flight attendant droned on over the speakers.  “Just six hours, right?” he said sarcastically. 

              I leaned over and kissed his cheek.  “It’ll be better once we get into the air,” I told him.  “It’s the waiting and the take-off that you hate.”

              “And the complete and total loss of control,” he muttered. 

              “Have you ever considered bringing some Xanax with you when you fly?” I asked, wishing there was a way I could put him at ease.  “Might help take the edge off the anxiety.”

              Perry shook his head.  “No, I don’t want to be foggy when I travel,” he explained.  “Probably would make things a little easier, but I can’t.”

              “Okay,” I said, just trying to keep him talking, distracted.  “We’re going straight home from the airport, right?”

              “That’s what I was planning on,” Perry agreed.  “Jordan’s got the kids for another night, but maybe I could convince her to bring them over if you want to see them.”

              “That’d be great,” I said, now looking even more forward to getting home.  “I’ve missed them so much, Perry.”

              Perry squeezed my hand.  “They missed you, too,” he said.  “I told you, Jack would ask about you all the time.  I’m just glad I don’t have to keep trying to explain why you’re not around.”

              I nodded in agreement.  “Me, too.  It broke my heart just thinking about them… and you, knowing that I’d hurt you so much in the process only made it all the worse.  But we don’t need to talk about this, do we?  We’re married now and we’re happy.  That’s worth focusing on.”

              Perry cracked a smile and leaned in to kiss me.  “Sure is, Newbie,” he said warmly.  “And even though we didn’t have our simple, but elegant wedding with suits and centerpieces and dancing, I’ve still got you, and that’s everything I need.”

              “I love you,” I whispered, resting my forehead against Perry’s for a moment.  “I – I don’t need all that stuff anymore.  We don’t have to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding for me to know that you love me, too.  You just have to promise me one thing.”

              “Anything, JD,” Perry said readily, the devotion in his voice obvious.

              “Dance with me when we get home?” I asked, a soft smile making its way onto my face.  “Just one song.”

              Perry’s smile answered my own.  “I’ll dance with you all night if that’s what you want.  Any time.”

              I closed my eyes and rested my head on Perry’s shoulder, settling in for the long flight.  The plane had just begun moving out onto the runway, so I didn’t let my hand leave his, knowing he’d still need the support.  “Will you sing to me, too?” I asked, knowing it was a long shot.  “I’ve heard you a couple times, singing to the kids or when you’ve got a song stuck in your head.  You’ve got a great voice, Per.”

              “We’ll see about that,” Perry said slowly, though I could hear the smile in his voice.  “I make no promises on that one.”

              “I won’t hold my breath,” I teased, feeling him tense as the plane began to pick up speed.  I kept talking, trying to distract him.  “Hey, maybe we can plan a vacation for later this year, a sort of delayed honeymoon.”

              “Mm, I could get on-board with that,” Perry said.  I knew he could tell I was just trying to keep him talking, but he didn’t fight it.  “Where do you want to go?”

              “Doesn’t really matter to me,” I mused.  “Just somewhere we can relax.  We didn’t really get to enjoy this vacation, as beautiful as the scenery was.  Have you ever been to Europe?”

              “I haven’t, no.  We could always go that route.  England, Spain, France, Italy…”

              “It’s an idea,” I agreed.  “We could also go tropical again.  I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii.”

              “We’ll have to do some research,” Perry chuckled, which I was surprised by, as the plane had just left the runway.  Normally he was too tense to speak right about now.  “Though I couldn’t care less where we go.”

              “No?” I asked.  “No big bucket-list trip in mind?”

              “Not really, no,” he said, shrugging.  “Traveling was never one of my priorities, though I’m certainly not averse to it.  We could always go up into the mountains during the winter.  There are some great ski resorts.”

              “Oh, so you’re trying to get me to break my neck, is that it?” I teased.

              “Yes, Newbie, that’s exactly what I was going for,” Perry said sarcastically.  “You don’t have to ski if you don’t want to.  We could always just cozy up in a cabin by the fire…”

              I grinned.  “ _Now_ you’re talking my language,” I laughed.  “When in doubt, just say something romantic and I’ll go along with it, all right?”

              “Believe me, after about two minutes of being with you, I had that figured out,” Perry chuckled.  “And I’m more than happy to do it.  Anything that makes you happy makes me happy.”

              “You spoil me,” I joked, nuzzling in against his neck and wishing there wasn’t an armrest between us.

              “Getting tired, kiddo?” Perry asked, reaching up with his other hand to stroke my hair for a moment.  

              “A little,” I admitted.  “We had an exciting day, you know.”

              “That we did.  I think I’m okay now, if you want to get some rest.  Thanks for distracting me.”

              “Any time, babe,” I said through a yawn.  “Wake me up when we’re getting close?”

              “Will do,” Perry assured me, though it was probably more for his benefit than my own.  If there was anything he hated more than take-off, it was landing.  He turned his head to press a kiss to my forehead before relaxing back into his seat.  I found it quite easy to drift off after that, his hand still firmly in mine.

 

              As promised, Perry woke me when the pilot announced we were beginning our descent.  I rubbed at my eyes and yawned a few times before fully waking up, but I was pleased to see that Perry didn’t look too shaken.  In fact, he seemed to be in excellent spirits.

              “You were really out,” he commented, smiling down at me.

              I returned his smile, albeit tiredly, as I looked back up at him.  “I guess I was,” I said sheepishly.  “Perks of being a heavy sleeper, I guess.  How’s the flight been?  You doing okay?”

              “Just fine, Newbie,” he said, seeming genuine.  “Though make no mistake, I can’t wait to get home.”

              “Yeah, me either.  Shouldn’t be long now,” I said, pleased when Perry laced his fingers back with mine.  “We have tonight and tomorrow before it’s back to business as usual.”

              “That doesn’t seem so bad,” Perry said thoughtfully.  “We can really start our lives together.”

              My smile widened.  He was right – we were married now and even though not much had changed from before our separation, it still somehow felt different.  Good different. 

              It felt like our descent took forever, though I knew it was only because both of us were so looking forward to being back home.  I didn’t worry about getting my things from Elliot’s place – that could come later.  Once Perry and I picked up our luggage from baggage claim, we said our goodbyes to the others and started the drive back to our house.  Perry drove with a hand on my thigh, his thumb occasionally rubbing soft circles there.  I was struck by the love I felt for him then, just from a simple touch.  He was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I knew neither of us would take that for granted again.

              When we got to the house, I stood outside for a moment, taking it in, before following Perry up the front steps.  He unlocked the door, letting me in first.  I couldn’t help but smile.  It had only been a month since I’d been there, but it had felt like so much longer.

              “Home,” I said softly as he came up behind me, wrapping his arms around me. 

              “Finally feels that way again,” he murmured as I relaxed back into him.  “It wasn’t the same without you.”

              “Nothing was the same without you,” I replied, turning toward him before taking his hands and leading him into the living room.  “I never want us to feel that way again.”

              Perry ran his arms down my sides, looking down at me with all the love in the world.  “I believe I promised you a dance,” he reminded me.

              I wound my arms around Perry’s neck, moving as close as possible to him.  “Yeah, you did,” I breathed, closing my eyes as I rested my head on his shoulder.  “No music though.”

              “If I recall,” Perry whispered, so quiet that I had to strain to hear him, “you asked me to sing to you, too.”

              Before I could respond, Perry began to sing, so softly, the beginning of “Open Arms.”  Immediately, I felt tears spring into my eyes, knowing that I’d never forget this for as long as I lived.  It was also something I’d never share with anyone else, both for fear of Perry never doing it again and because it was a moment special to us, one that I’d didn’t want to share. 

              “Journey?” I asked, pulling back to look at him, my eyes shining. 

              Perry smiled softly at me and kissed me, long and slow.  “Well, when you put on that playlist as often as you do, I learned the words without even trying.  Is the fact that the lead singer’s last name is Perry a coincidence?” he teased.

              “A very happy coincidence,” I chuckled.  “But please, don’t stop on my account.”

              And he didn’t.  I lost track of just how long we spent there, swaying back and forth in the middle of the living room.  I only got a couple songs out of Perry before we both quieted down, just holding each other.  It was unspoken between us that as much as we’d both missed our kids, we needed some time to ourselves to catch up and make sure we got settled.  At some point, we made it to the bedroom and tumbled into bed together.  We didn’t talk much, and though I’d slept for nearly five hours on the plane, neither of us had trouble falling asleep, secure in the knowledge that we’d get to do this for the rest of our lives.

 

* * *

 

 

              The doorbell rang and Perry looked up from his place at the oven; he’d been checking the temperature of the turkey, which had just a little longer to go. 

              “I’ll get it,” I said quickly, giving him a wink as I hurried toward the front door.  As I made my way through the living room, I did one last check to make sure we had enough seating for everyone and room under the massive tree for even more presents.  Satisfied, I walked into the entryway and pulled open the door and was immediately greeted by a chorus of hellos from all my closest friends and family.  Turk and Carla were there with Izzy, Carla positively glowing.  Elliot and Keith were just behind them, both of them carrying armloads of gifts and food.  Jordan was there, too, looking a mixture of impatient and somehow pleasant, Jennifer in her arms and Jack at her side.  Right beside them was Kim with Sam and Sean, who she’d recently started seeing.  I found him only marginally less detestable nowadays, but he was good with Sam, and that was what was most important to me.  I shuffled everyone inside, taking presents and food and giving hugs.  Jack ran right for my legs, shouting excitedly.  Perry and I hadn’t seen him in a week; Jordan had taken the kids to her mother’s for Christmas there so they could be here with the rest of us today. 

              The day passed quickly, though it all went extremely well.  The food was amazing and everyone loved their presents, especially Jack, who was really the only one old enough to truly appreciate Christmas.  Izzy was getting there, with Jennifer following just behind, but Sam was still too young to do much other than giggle, smile, and sleep.  Elliot and Keith happily filled us in on their wedding plans, both of them seeming pleased that they’d agreed to get married next summer instead of this past one.  Carla and Turk announced that they were having another girl and she let me feel her stomach when the baby kicked, something I was forever amazed by.  Jordan and Perry reminisced about Jack’s first Christmas, which they’d spent at Jordan’s mother’s house – that had incidentally been the last time Perry had been allowed there due to copious amounts of scotch and his ex-mother-in-law’s desire to destroy his sanity.  Kim brought with her a video of Sam’s latest milestones that had all of us grinning from ear-to-ear. 

              By and large, the best part of the holiday had been after everyone left, leaving us with a living room floor full of wrapping paper, far too many leftovers, and three exhausted children.  Perry walked back into the living room and handed me a small gift bag.  Confused, I opened it at his insistence, despite already receiving plenty of presents from him when we all exchanged gifts.

              In it were two tickets for roundtrip airfare for Hawaii.  We’d discussed here and there about where to go on our honeymoon, and while the idea of Europe had been alluring, I’d still leaned toward something more tropical.  I had assumed we’d revisit the idea after the holidays, but Perry had clearly had other ideas.

              “Are you serious?” I asked him, my eyes going wide as I stared at the tickets.

              “We leave on the morning of the second,” he told me, trying to hold back a grin.  “That way we can still celebrate the New Year here with everyone.  Then it’s twelve days in Hawaii.”

              “Oh my god,” I breathed, still having a hard time believing it.  “Perry, this is incredible!  I – I didn’t expect this at all!  And all I got you was a watch!”

              “Hey, I love my present,” Perry laughed, showing off the brand new watch I’d gotten him.  He’d put in on his wrist immediately upon opening it.  “Now what do you say we get these kids to bed and have a little fun of our own?”

              “I like the way you think,” I said with a grin, leaning in to kiss him.  “Merry Christmas, Per.”

              “Merry Christmas, JD,” he murmured, taking my face in his hands.  That didn’t last very long, though, as Jack decided he’d had enough of his fathers being mushy. 

              “And Merry Christmas to you, too, buddy,” I laughed, scooping him up into my arms before he could launch himself at us again. 

              Jack giggled madly, hopped up on the excitement of Christmas and far too much sugar, and I looked at Perry over his head, melting at the way he looked back at me. 

              I couldn’t even be upset when Perry’s idea of having some adult fun turned into putting Sam and Jennifer to sleep and permitting Jack to stay up a little later than normal, curled up on the couch with us and watching Christmas movies.  It turned out that married life and fatherhood were exactly everything they were cracked up to be.


End file.
